Christmas with a difference part 2

well Christmas Day has nearly ended but as I reminded Dan who felt a little,sad at bedtime, Christmas is 12 days and this is just the beginning!
Today has been very different,mImwas cooked breakfast without having to rush out, Daniel was able to take time opening his pressies and enjoy each one. We were able to head over to mum and dads and greet them at the cathedral as they finished their service ( Dan in full Indiana Jones costume including whip!!!). We had a relaxed buffet style lunch including Spanish tapas starters and again took time opening pressies and just enjoying each other's company.

It has also been different though because dear friends and family haven't had such a great day, one of my best friends grab was rushed to hospital this morning following a stroke, my uncles wife Is awaiting an operation tomorrow morning following a collapsed lung leaving my 12 year old cousin without his mum and my sister in law has spent Christmas Day bailing out her kitchen which again has been flooded in Lancaster!

Today again has made me really grateful for life, for the wonderful family I'm blessed with with all our quirks....for the dear friends who have texted and taken time out to wish us a Merry Christmas and for a faith and hope in something that is much greater than any physical present I could have been brought ...

Tonight I shall be praying for those who are poorly, those flooded and those lonely....Merry Christmas wonderful wonderful people xxx

Christmas with a difference

for the first time in our married life I have failed to write a Christmas newsletter in a year when time has been on my side! The reason has been that a) social media is such that the world  and his dog know exactly what's been happening to us over this year and secondly many friends have had a really rough year and it can be hard to tactfully tell people news knowing they are in pain.

So an alternative newsletter would say this year has been hard work to start working and being pregnant was a struggle and although I remained healthy I struggled near the end to maintain the pace. The second half of the year was a mix of pure blessing and pure exhaustion, forgetting the wonder and awe a new life brings as well as forgetting the agony of sleep depravation!

The year has though been amazing in bringing new friends into our life and having the opportunity to spend more precious time with old friends due to being on maternity leave. Just having the time to sit and have a coffee, go to the cinema (nebiews baby safe of course!) or popping out for lunch has truly been a blessing.

As another Christmas hits us square on I'm in a strange place, tomorrow I shall do Upnor crib and that will be it for my Christmas services, last week I had the real joy of leading Dan s school Christingles and carol service which was amazing ( I so would love to be a school chaplain!!!) but tomorrow evening and Christmas morning for one time only I get to be a mummy, to put my boys to bed, to wake up and to spend quality time lounging around in our p j s enjoying the gifts that I'm sure will come for we have been very good!!! Though I am looking forward to this I shall miss the midnight service (Marc is going to Hoo in my place as usually he's left at home!) and will miss the mad rush of Christmas morning services for though the pressies will be lovely the true reason for the gifts is the birth of JC. I'm not sure what we will do Christmas morning but the family have asked if we can have "Jesus bread " at home together so that's what we will do.

Next year contains a lot of uncertainty for us and our future but we hope and pray that it will be a year of blessing of peace and some more sleep would be nice!

Merry Christmas lovely friends and family xxxx

Belonging

It's Saturday night..Marc is out playing at gig number 2 of his weekend and again I'm left pondering;
its a very strange place the land of maternity leave....just before I entered it I was absolutely dreading it, how would I cope and survive without work so many relationships are tied up in my job especially when you move around so much and what would I do with the time I had apart from look after a child??

Then within days of Elijah s arrival it felt like I d never want to go back to work, I was content, life was exhausting but satisfying and I embraced the time with open arms ...

It's been 6 months now and over the past few weeks I've done a few bits of work...a dearly loved lady s funeral, met our new vicar, a few bits for Dan s school and had the sanity of our drop in cafe at Upnor and cafe church at taggs to keep me going which has been great.

However I can't help but feel very much on the peripheral of every group, I don't fully fit here or there as I'm in between places...I'm not a stay at home mummy but I'm not a working mummy atm either. I cant engage fully in tasks because I have to be around to physically feed Elijah ( little tyke still won't take a bottle!) I have time on my hands yet it's in 2 hour blocks ( feeding clock)
There is so much I'm very keen to engage in but the timing just isn't right at the moment....things for the future or just feelings of missed opportunities I'm not sure yet, what I am sure of is the gratitude I feel for the dear friends old and new I have who are on this journey with me those I can moan with, share fatigue and sleep deprivation with and those who know what it's like to be awake at ridiculous o clock .ladies I thank you for being there morning noon and night.

Baby blues

It's been a while ... Am sure no one missed me 😜

There's a good reason though , well two actually .. First of all we've had our delayed summer holiday in Spain, a holiday of firsts .. Elijah s first plane and train rides Elijahs first cold , Daniel eating clams squid and mussels , getting caught with 2 kids in a thunder storm , exploring the delights of NON alcoholic beer ( not bad but def not as good!) and experiencing our first extra long airport delay!!! All in all definitely an experience !
The second reason I've gone to ground is due to s bit of baby blues... I'm not very good at all at sharing how things are effecting me but the last few weeks ( probably due to sleep deprivation ) I've struggled ... Elijah s been very unsettled teething and his cold and everyone we meet feels the need to comment on how large/chubby/chunky /fat he is. He's purely been breast fed so there's not much I can do about it and as dear folk tell me I should be proud but for some reason it's really got to me. Elijah s a pretty chilled out jolly chap with a really cute personality coming through yet already at 5 months I feel he's bring judged when did the world turn in to a place where we can judge others And make them feel negative.
I know it's temporary as Dan was chunky as were myself Marc and my nephew ..maybe I need to think of a good come back the next time it's mentioned .... Answers on a postcard 👶

Bright side

You may have heard the saying "in the right place at the right time" well my catch phrase should be "in the wrong place at the wrong time"!
Whether it's missing out on concert tickets, an item on eBay snatched before my eyes, accosted by charity chuggers or the wrong queue at the checkout that's usually me.
Today was no exception, I was desperate to see the final flight of the Vulcan plane which was due to fly over Hoo today, as well as being a great thing to see it would be great to show pictures with the air cadets as well as the boys when they are older....I had the timings and everything. On the way from church we were asked to drop off some harvest flowers in Upnor which we dutifully did and then the boys decided that we needed a pub lunch....great we can sit in the garden eat and get back . However we bumped into some friends and Daniel loved playing with his friends and new ones too. By the time we dragged him away guess what...the plane had flown over our house and we missed it..
Gutted is an understatement but a good friend popped over to see us and the missed opportunity passed.mand then the thought that the Vulcan would fly back this way occurred...fantastic a last chance, and low and behold Elijah needed feeding and changing..so again missed the plane...never to fly again!

As I put the boys to bed I was left feeling terribly sad and then it came to me what had I missed..an old plane flying over which would have been awesome but I've seen the pictures and the videos. What did I gain? A lovely afternoon with family and friends followed by the pleasure of being able to tend to the needs of my beautiful little boy....

So next time I feel things haven't gone to plan I aim to look on the bright side...there usually is one 😀

Complete content

Just over a year ago I voiced the possibility of changing the toddler group at Upnor, for a while toddler numbers were dwindling as children (including my own) began to enter the world of education. As we got to that summer some mums voiced concern over missing the opportunity to meet with others during the day once the children were in school and some more mature folk voiced feelings of isolation. so I had the brain wave of opening up the group as a drop in for anyone; not to be in competition with the amazing drop in cafe in Frindsbury but to complement it, for many in Upnor transport is an issue so providing a space locally was important. 

Over the past year numbers have fluctuated but these last few weeks there has been a real buzz in the air of ages mixing together from birth to a little older shall we say!  Each generation looking out for the other amidst hot toast, croissants and cakes and hot drinks. 

Of course the last few months I've had time to be there no time restrictions or work pressures and it's been a real joy. Today I've felt a real glow from being there this morning and it felt just how life should be and indeed church...all ages interacting together...if only that was the case !

A year in review !

This evening I have been filling in my annual review. Each year I receive a form from the church commissioners asking a whole host of questions about my performance , what's gone well what's not worked, what I would change and thoughts for the future .
Tonight as I fill in this form and reflect on the year just gone whilst reading what I wrote last year I have a whole host of emotions .
It has been wonderful to reflect on how things have developed in certain areas of life , my confidence in the traditional vicar stuff due to having to do more in parish since Ian left, the development of relationships on our estate , the bond I feel and hope others do in our little cafe church team but the biggest change would be in the school contacts we've made. Dan starting school has been great for him but also enabled us to meet some truly lovely families and also develop some connections with the school and church communities ...

On the flip side there have been sad times this last year saying good bye to projects that haven't developed how I would have liked (trying to develop a family experience being the main heart ache) and several people moving away changing dynamics being another.

As I finish the report with what do I want for the future I become stuck! In 11 months time I could be anywhere in the country as my funding runs out in it's current state ... The future I would love to stick around and try and develop closer links with the 2 schools I've begun work with , I'd love to continue to open up cafe church to a wider audience and I would love to develop friendships that have become vital to me.
But for now I return to maternity leave enjoying every moment loving every chance to spend time with friends old and new and to try and not worry what the future will bring x

Family and friends

I'm not usually one to gush but tonight I feel well and truly blessed! Over the last 10 days we have had a truly blessed and special time with my little family and bestest of friends!
We haven't made it away this summer due to financial constraints and Elijah being so young but we have had a wonderful time locally and down in Deal. We've paddled in seas and lido s, visited planes and water shows eaten endless chips on th beach and returned to our childhood with Dan watching again around the world in 80 days with Willy Fog! We've had pictures from abroad want to us to share memories and had some really special times with some of Daniel s Godparents and a real treat of precious time with Grandma!!!
When out and about one grandparent said how sad she was her grandchildren didn't value things unless money was. Thrown at it we've managed to have fun on very little and Daniel has been so happy. I pray he and Elijah will grow up to feel blessed by love and not money!
The holidays are going so fast and I shall be sad when Seprmeber ends but so grateful for maternity leave and the opportunities it's presented us.
This next week sees us helping look after our niece (if she will let us!) as my sister and brother in law move down and a special day trip old skool style with the best friend ever x

Divine!

what a week!
Today is the first day we have been alone as a family for over a week, it's been a week of reunion with Marc's parents visiting from India, of family direct and adopted coming together and of celebration!
Elijahs baptism really was a heaven sent occasion, which may sound dramatic but truly it moved every emotion in my body. Yes he cried at the wrong moment due to need food and other bodily functions but the whole service was just so powerful. Being with my folks as they led us in the service, worshipping in song led by Marc and supported by our niece and dear friend and getting the immense privilege of baptising Elijah myself was just WOW...and the cherry on the top Daniel behaved and participated impeccably !!!
Add that to a weekend spent with family who made the sacrifice of travelling the length of the country, friends who represent parishes we've served in Rochdale, Middlesborough, Gillingham and Rochester, new friends we've made here and through school, the air cadets who came to support us and precious moments with family and close friends today I still feel overwhelmed with blessings.
Thank you all who made this time do special by your presents and presents , by your gifts of time, catering and friendship,. The joy is only overshadowed by the realisation of those we love but don't see enough... What a weekend !

Some of the family and friends have arrived others are well on the way all set for Elijahs big day!
I'm currently sat upstairs feeding the boy whilst downstairs kids continue to play into the evening and adults catch up over BBQ food...thanks to my hubby!
We've set the hall up, Jean and Derek are sorting the food, the cake lovingly made by my fab neighbour has been delivered and so all is set for tomorrow.
I face the day feeling excited yet also nervous for tomorrow I get to baptise Elijah myself.
Conducting the service is always a blessing but tomorrow is even more so, what a real privilege!
So tonight while I worry if things will go well and people will enjoy themselves I'm left really praying that the significance of this occasion welcoming Elijah into the family of Christ will shine through.
To those giving up time, providing refreshments and travelling to be with us I really do appreciate it .
For those who can't make it, we miss you!

moving on up!

Today marks the end of an era..Daniel has finished his early years education and said goodbye to his beloved reception class staff and will head to the world of year 1 in September. Marc describes it as experiencing free range education and moving into battery farming! For as happy as we are with Daniels school, the whole education system leads a lot to be desired, a system that expects 5 year olds to be able to do so many fine motor skills including writing full on sentences, recognising words with many letters and complex mathematical terms is beyond me. Put it this way, if I was 5 now I expect I would be classed as an under achiever.

It is no strange notion to many that Daniel isn't a lover of writing or frankly sitting still for too long ( unless it's a cinema or building something)!!! Yet his love for school, his 100% attendance and his thirst for understanding how and why and all things historical and scientific baffles me. The year has shown him a desire to become various occupations ranging from an undertaker ( I've clearly done too many funerals!) to his current passion..a scientist.

It's not been an easy year for Dan with starting school and the arrival of a baby brother and he certainly has pushed us to the limits, but he's grown, developed, entertained and amused us immensely ! The next few weeks will be interesting as we head full on into the school holidays but here's to making family memories, enjoying each moment and being blessed to have this time dedicated to my boys. It's 2am am awake feeding the younger, marc is snoring yet I'm still feeling hugely grateful for what I've been blessed with ..I'm writing this to remind me on the days these next 6 weeks that prove a challenge 😜 embrace you good and faithful parents of all aged children, young and old xxxxmoving on up

Memories

Tomorrow marks an anniversary of horrendous memories and for a dear friend life changing consequences. The 7th July for the last 10 years has been a date of terror and fear...

In 2005 Marc and I had returned from Indonesia dodging a bomb and a tsunami but succumbing to a serious bout of pneumonia on my part (another story!!) while I was recovering we were working at the CMS office in London.
On the 7th July I had an appointment at the Royal Brompton Hospital to get my lungs checked..meaning we set off later than usual.

As we got closer to London someone opposite us had a text saying there was possible delays on the underground so people started to try and work out alternative routes...as we got off the train the underground at Victoria was closed so we ...assuming some fault... Searched out the right bus. We literally had our foot on the bus when officials began shouting that the buses weren't safe and then it became clear this was no underground technical fault.
Instantly I tried to call home to reassure mum and dad we were ok but all lines were down..we tried and tried every mobile and finally got through to my best friend Nathan who happened to be sat next to mum...by heir advise was to get home ASAP if possible ....we ran to Victoria and by some miracle got on the last train to leave. It was the only time I've known folk talk to each other on the train people scared, terrified for loved ones uncontainable and still the uncertainty of what was happening. As we pulled into Rochester we got off and we All kissed the ground in relief.
That afternoon another friend was concerned for her daughter a nurse at Great Ormond street , thinking she was caught up in helping the injured as so many were that day mum reassured her as best she could. It's not my place to tell her story ...but it was late that night we had the call Susan was very poorly and lost her leg .
It's weird what happens amidst devastation.  Susan is such an amazing woman and achieved so much in this last 10 years, and has gone on to do great things include have 2 lovely girls!

It was so hard coming back from such difficulties in Indonesia to then experience a bit of this, but we came through it by the grace of God and thanks to family and friends ....
tomorrow we will give thanks for our safety and those brave people who helped on that day but especially remember those poor people who weren't so fortunate and lost their lives .... Rest in peace you innocent people xxx

Blessed Change!

Massive apologise .(..if anyone out there actually reads this thing )!!!! It's been a while since posting , in fact I haven't done since I began maternity leave...you'd think I'd have had time on my hands to write but time has just zoomed past me in the last few weeks!
Obviously the best thing to have happened is the birth of our second son Elijah..it still feels weird thinking that I have 2 sons..how blessed am I!!! And no I don't feel incomplete without a girl and no I'm not planning to have any more children which are common questions put to me recently.

It's strange too to think just 3 weeks ago I was sat happily watching TV without a care in the world having no idea what was to follow that Friday night. I truly feel blessed again that Elijah came so quickly and all the things I had spent sleepless nights worrying about didn't happen, everything went as well as can be expected though some drugs would have been helpful ;)

These past few weeks have been sereal, I've actually probably had more sleep than while I was pregnant, we've had more falling out with Dan who has gone from excited to anxious on a daily basis but again we seem to be in a happy place with him wanting to be more involved. We had a steady stream of visitors in the first 10'days but since then it's been very quiet but have been showered with many cards and beautiful gifts for which we are thankful.

It has been strange comparing how things were when Dan was born to this time round, I don't think I got dressed for 5 days with Dan where as with Elijah I was out the hospital that day and went for a walk the next day. We had a constant source of meal deliveries and visitors with Dan and this time we've pretty much just got on with life.

I can honestly say I am truly loving maternity leave, I'm loving being a family of 4 and thoroughly enjoying my time "off" which I never thought possible...yes I miss work and am slightly anxious what the future holds, yes I'm tired in ways I forgot wee possible but I feel totally content....

These few months have also been wonderful as I've had the chance to share the pregnancy and then birth with some wonderful friends who have also been through this amazing process too...2 of which have had beautiful baby girls and one we still await the arrival of. Having people near by to share this crazy but magical experience has just added to the delight and joy I feel.

Yes today is a good day all my boys are happy and content (and 2 of them are sound asleep!!)

Thank you again for all your thoughts,prayers and cards ...

Any regrets...just that I never got my helium it's a boy balloon to carry out of the hospital as Elijah came far to quick followed by a quick release...every day I remember I'm one lucky girl!(even at 1.30 and 4.30 a.m.!!!!)

Birthdays

As I get older birthdays take on a different feel....each build up I still get quite excited like a little kid but more and more the magic has somewhat faded. This is partly to do with not wanting to get old, a certain young boy who takes delight in opening the cards a gifts for me and a husband who doesn't always get the sense of occasion.


This year of course has been somewhat over looked due to an imminent little arrival ... Certain foods still off the menu, an inability to drink of fizz and severe LAck of energy has meant today has been very low key. However I am very grateful to my folks sacrificing a few hours to come out to lunch where we were able to eat al fresco thanks to beautiful sunshine ( and enabled Dan to run around the garden!) I'm grateful that I chose to take some leave before maternity kicks in to allow me to be off work today,mandnim very grateful to be healthy enough to see another year in. ( I do think I will stop counting now though!)

So today I am grateful for the many many people who have taken time to send texts, Facebook messages and cards. For those extra special folk who even made me feel special by buying a gift you put a smile on. A hormonal women's face and made Daniel very happy opening them !!

Bowled away

Yesterday was a totally crazy day ! I experienced every emotion under the sun.

Yesterday was the last Sunday that I will work for the next 9 1/2 months, I got to,share the day with all 3 different congregations and was bowled over by their Love and care for us as a family. As much as I am feeling ready to step aside from  work commitments due to exhaustion and looking forward to spending time with a new baby and more time with Dan , I'm also feeling slightly unnerved , for when you do a job like this it isn't just a 9-5 job that you leave behind each day it becomes part of your life. The people I work with, serve and minister to have become friends so that's not something you just walk away from. I shall miss the regular contact but will enjoy the extra time to actually spend with friends and loved ones.

What did move me though was the encounter at 7.30 am outside church with a couple sleeping rough. They came into church looking for the toilet and the possibility of a hot drink to warm them up. I was feeling exhausted and anxious about the 3 services to get ready for but remembered suddenly the reading I was about to talk on....Love one another...not love the ones we like, or love the ones like us or love those we want to but Love one another....everyone. This couple needed to be shown love. They stayed for the 8am traditional service and re Ioved communion in tears, it was very moving , they also returned for then10.30 service to show their gratitude to those who had shown kindness to them.nhow easy is it for us in our busy life to ignore what's happening around us and focus on ourselves.

So as I enter the last 6 days before maternity leave, feeling emotional, exhausted and anxious about all that still needs to be done, I'm aware of the need to keep my eyes open to be aware of what's going on around me...but also very excited for this time next week 😜

Home Alone

if you are reading this and you are a single parent, have a partner who works away or grew up in a single parent family hats off to you!

This week Marc and my parents have been away leading a conference, something they have been involved in for several years so I should be used to it. However this time has felt especially hard. On the back of having an absolutely awesome weekend with family and friends I've suddenly felt very vulnerable this week, I think being 36 weeks pregnant has had a massive effect!

I have though, been really blessed by special folk who have text and messaged me each day and even popped over to check that we are ok for which I am extremely grateful.

What I have realised is that A) I am an absolutely rubbish housewife and cook, just getting meals organised has felt like a full time job, yet I haven't given in to the world of the Golden Arches or any other take away and Daniel has eaten every meal!!!

B) I totally and utterly hate my own company, once Daniel is in bed the house is eerily quiet and it feels very strange...Praise the Lord for social media!!!

C) there just aren't enough hours in the day! By the time I've got Dan to school and crammed as much work into those hours he is there it is suddenly 3.15 and time to pick him up.

Tomorrow the cavalry return home and I for one will be excited to see them!

2am!

Well it's another day well technically night! and another wide awake at 2am!!! It's getting to be a regular occurance in this pregnancy and although it would probably be better if I just got up and did something I still have to function for a working week for another 2 weeks.

Things are starting to take their strain now. Tiredness has really kicked in, back aches, stomach is huge and braxton hicks come and go .

This weekend the reality of everything has really sunk in thanks to my wonderful best friend organising a great baby shower! I have to confess that I've never been keen in the idea but it was so lovely to get together with friends and family who could make it, have lots of fun and reflect in what's about to happen.
I'm going through stages of excitement and terror but each day it feels a little closer to meet our new addition. I'm also constantly aware of what a blessing it is for us to be in this position of having a child (yes even at my age ;) )
The next two difficult jobs are to agree on names and then choose Godparents... Another chance for a get together ... Exciting times ahead I just hope nothing happens too soon as Marc and my folks head off to lead a conference tomoro for a week and am not sure how good Daniels delivery skills are !!!

A time for everything !

This last few weeks have been tough with several people in our church passing away as well as a number of others in the parish. As the sun shines and the flowers bloom signs of new life are everywhere yet in contrast I've had to witness the saddest of times .
After my second funeral of the this week I really felt the circle of life in action, a woman truly dying of a broken heart never recovering from the loss of her husband yet her children being so strong and courageous offering people sunflower seeds after the service to keep those memories alive.
And as all this goes on our own little family circle of life continues to grow and as tiredness kicks I remain grateful for supportive family and friends, those who will pray instantly when I'm struggling, those who will listen to me off load on Facebook at all times of the night, those who know just when to text.
Life is a funny affair, we don't know what is round the corner so cease every moment , enjoy every second and appreciate those you love.

The holiest of weeks

This week is a very special week in the church calendar and as a. Christian. A week when we see Jesus celebrated as  king riding into Jerusalem but suddenly turn into a nightmare of arrests, crucifixion and culminating in the best miracle of all a resurrection.
So much emotion goes into this week, not just because as a church we do a lot to remember but it reminds us of just what a sacrifice was made once for all.

This week though has also been emotional as We have had 4 people we know pass away within 24 hours of each other , some of those are members of church others are family members of dear friends. Having to share such sad news takes it s toll and as I constantly feel new life wriggling inside me I'm all too aware of just how fragile life is...it's a privilege to behold!

This morning we had our special Chrism service where those working for the church renew their commitment to serve , a powerful experience being together in one place, what really stood out for me. Today was singing From heaven you came (the servant King) in an instant. I was transported back to a sports hall in Farnworth singing with the choir at our Easter celebration and our music teacher reinforcing the dramatic effect of these words....
From heaven you came helpless babe
Entered our world your glory veiled
Not to be served but to serve
And give your life that we might live!

Without that hope of eternal life I don't know how  I would survive .

So this Easter time...enjoy your time off, enjoy your friends and family, enjoy the lovely food and drinks in fact have one for me! Enjoy the chocolate! But take a moment to remember .......

Celebrations!

It's only Tuesday and yet it feels like it should already be Friday ! Why do I feel to exhausted? Well it's been a really really full on few days...the weekend began on Friday morning where I was pleasantly woken up by a little boy literally beaming from ear to ear declaring that it was his birthday...and that was the  setting for the next few days, for my boys do t just celebrate birthdays for one day but a whole weekend! Daniel was especially excited that his birthday fell this year on Red Nose Day (comic relief) and so got to wear his own clothes for the day at school.  We celebrated with grandma and grandad  on Friday at Pizza Express and later on I with cake (Star Wars of course!) and went on to celebrate with friends on Saturday taking 17 children aged between 2-11 bowling. The kids were fab at getting along considering they were a mix from home, school and church.  It was an amazing afternoon, pretty chilled out as far as kids parties are concerned and the host at the bowling place said at the end that we were the best behaved party she's had..she had never seen children behave so well...!  And then on Sunday we had more gifts given, mothering Sunday and Daniel again joining the children's choir to sing his heart out infront of the whole church. It really was a delight to be a part of, this followed by lunch cooked by my mum and dad ( due to Marc having sinusitis and also a massive rehearsal for a production in the afternoon). Daniel did a great job at being maître De and taking our orders, serving us and also entertaining us with various shows. I ended the weekend snuggling my now 5 year old whilst watching a DVD.
How does time go so fast? It delights me how much Daniel has grown and developed yet terrifies me how quickly that process has happened.
This weekend though tyring has yet again made me sit up and be thankful for the amazing friends and family we have, for all those who have remembered Daniel and taken time to wish him well.

I'm praying now that the next 5 years don't go as fast!

Mixed day

Today has been a real mixed up day it started off in the usual way of school run and church prayers and then we hot footed down to the midwife for my 28 week check. It's pretty routine now where she asks if there are any concerns, checks my blood pressure and takes my blood. We also have the delight of  getting to listen to the baby s heartbeat. Today this was very comical as as soon as she got the lovely gel and probe out the baby gave an almighty kick making my whole stomach move..to which the midwife said she had never had that happen before ! Looks like we have another child who,likes to make their presence known!

From the midwife we went on to our toddler/drop in...always a delight to catch up with folk of all ages and fab to see seem returning mummies with their new additions . And then we had the sad occasion of visiting the crem, not unusual for me but a first for Marc, as we attended the funeral of dear friends of ours mum, a family Marc used to lodge with when he first moved down South and spent many an evening chatting too. It was strange being the other side of a funeral for a change but comforting as dad was leading the service. It was a truly lovely celebration of life and faith. I have never heard a crem congregation sing so passionately as we did today . It's always terribly sad when someone dies no matter how old they are, but it is a little bit more bare able when we have the hope of heaven.
so tonight amidst trying to get a child who has a terrible cough to sleep! amidst desperately trying to get 2 talks done for Sunday and amidst feeling emotionally drained today has been a great day of  experiencing the whole circle of life with great friends and family. RIP Peggy Evans xxx

ups and downs

Today has been a real day of ups and downs, highs and lows...

This morning I had the joy of going to St Francis church in Strood ( one of our cluster churches) and Preach, preside and baptise a beautiful baby girl. The atmosphere there is always so welcoming and people are so encouraging...and a brucie bonus..it was warm!! During the service the churchwarden produced a card and gift for me to wish me well in my maternity as I wont be going there in my official capacity again on a Sunday morning until after the baby is born. This was such a surprise I was bowled over and felt ever so emotional at the thought and care that had led to that moment... I didn't even know you could get "You're leaving to be a mummy" cards!!! :)

This afternoon we then had our monthly Sunday@4 event which is a bit like messy church mixed with an all age worship experience,,, some craft, games/activities a story and talk, music and food. I love doing this type of thing you never know who is going to come along and its pretty chilled out too. However, unfortunately the last few we have had have only seen the core team and Daniel in attendance. A lot of work goes into these events making sure there's food, craft activities, tech stuff read etc and so when no one else turns up it is disappointing and frustrating.
Time and again I hear people say, "The church doesn't do anything for families", "If only there was something for the children ..", we listened to those statements, we tried something and it hasn't worked, so with great sadness it is looking like Sunday@4 will be no more. I hate seeing things fail but I guess part of being a pioneer is trying new things out and knowing when to move on if something isn't working. Over the next few weeks we will be praying and contemplating what we can do.

So after a strange old emotional weekend I continue to give thanks for the blessings that surround us and learn to let go of the things that are just not meant to be.

Emotions

Tonight I feel a bag of emotions... Not that unusual for me to be emotional and especially not when pregnant but tonight it's especially heightened.
This week has been tough already, two wonderful members of our church family plus a family friend are really struggling with cancer, I've visited the 2 that live here, one being in the hospice and the reality of life and death is raw...put on top of that funeral services that keep coming and the contrasting baby kicking inside and a son who took Forever to go to sleep, my emotions are all over the place.

This job is awesome...it's a real blessing to walk and sit alongside people in their joyous times and also in their darkest times but weeks like this do make you sit up and take notice of your own life..and it's exhausting!

So as we come half way through the week my challenge to myself for the rest of the week is to feel thankful for each and every moment I have, even when my son is driving me to distraction with insomnia, when the sound of the guitar is buzzing LOUDLY in my ears and when I am just too tired to paste on a smile I will give thanks for what I have and enjoy every moment of life...for life is precious.

Making its presence known!

Over the last few days we have been trying to work out when is best for me to begin my maternity leave....it may sound like a really trivial thing but we've tried to look at how late it physically will be possible to leave it to ensure I get the most amount of time with our new edition yet also being aware that tiredness and being huge will take it's toll, on top of that though there is also the issue of the parish still being without a vicar and wanting to make sure everything will be covered for the time between a new vicar coming and me returning to work.

We have finally settled on no date purely because the legal time to inform my employers has arrived and now it's made I'm feel alsorts of feelings...it makes the thought of the future changes real, it makes me think about what it will be like being away from everything and many folk we care about for 9 months and it feels exciting to have this space albeit a busy time to spend as a family and it also makes the idea of a new edition even more real.
Our little thumper has really been making it's presence known to us by kicking during the night but also having a knack of kicking at inappropriate moments...especially during funeral services!

As uncomfortable as the kicking and constant toilet trips can be it does remind me again how blessed we are to be in this position and every day I'm grateful for that.

Privilege

After a relatively light Sunday last week today is a bit crazy with 4 very different services, 3 completed this morning and an all age family celebration this afternoon.
Last night and this morning I felt exhausted at the thought of the day ahead and wondered how I would survive.
Each service celebrated Candlemas and it was a real joy to celebrate and hear different responses to the special moment Jesus was presented at the temple just 40 days old....dear old Simeona nd Anna already recognising the significance of this new baby, especially hearing a lady preach her very first sermon amazingly well. ( may be out of a job soon 😛)

And as I stood to preside over the bread and wine I suddenly felt so humbled to be there, so privileged to be in the job, in the place I am and so blessed. We are not a huge church numerically but we are so blessed with gifted people who are so willing to serve this parish to help those around them and are faithful.

As I came home exhausted but happy I was met by my boys playing on their scooters with the neighbours giggling up and down the road and now Dan is playing with one of the boys on the Wii..the sound of light savers vibrating around the house....yes today it's a privilege to be here and I truly am blessed.

Time

I'm over half way now in this pregnancy and still awaiting the energy, glow and vitality to kick in! With Dan after a horrid 16 weeks I suddenly felt the best I had ever really felt, this time the sickness seems to come and go, but more often come and tiredness is off the scale! I do keep getting reminded that this time round I have a full time job to do and a 4 year old to deal with!

Today, feeling sickly  and tired I had the joy of  being with people from both ends of the generations, spending time with some toddlers and their lovely mummies, and then this afternoon sharing a communion service at Montgomery Court sheltered accommodation. All day has been a pleasure spending time in the community with people sharing their lives and just being.

Over the last few weeks we've been thinking about maternity leave and as well as being excited I've also been anxious about the things I will miss from work...hanging out with people whether at cafe church eating bacon butties and exploring life, toddler groups drinking tea and sharing stories or communion with the older generation . However I will also get a chance to "BE"a bit more, time to sit and drink tea with folk without having to run off to the next appointment , time to go and enjoy being at groups as a mummy and not just part of the team organising it and hopefully time to catch up with friends.

The next few months will involve a lot of changes in our life, things will not be the same and I'm only too aware how hard it will be at times... But I see it as an opportunity, an opportunity to further enjoy our community an opportunity to further develop friendships and an opportunity to reflect on life now and for the future....

So when I'm wide awake in months to come or tired with total exhaustion remind me ..this is an opportunity we've been blessed with and to grab it and embrace it with all we've got!

Christmas hype

Well today is the 12th night of Christmas....a day when technically the decorations come down and some form of normality resumes..though if you switch on the TV, radio or walk into a shop Christmas  has long since gone!
It saddens me really, the poor wise men have still yet to appear in the Nativity and Christmas has been forgotten... ( though not in our house we still have a few gifts to open and the lights are shining brightly til this evening!)
As I clear missions of emails and Facebook notifications it breaks my heart to see so many folk depressed about going back to work after an extended break..it's usual to struggle with "normality" whatever that this, but should it make us feel so down?

This Christmas has been very strange for us...the build up as with everyone started a while ago with so many carol services, carol singing and school,performances to attend but those precious moments were awesome and topped off with 5 amazing but very diverse services covering all ages from Christmas Eve into Christmas Day. I really felt the sense of the true meaning of Christmas and encountered special moments of a young 9 year old singing Once in royal on her own, our newly formed choir singing like a candle flame in the semi darkness ( my son 1 of them) and a stranger wandering into midnight mass having never entered a church before but had been drawn by the tower light...truly amazing!

Unfortunately things went down hill from there with the majority of our family coming down with severe chest infections..although this felt disappointing at the time, it did put into perspective what Christmas is all about, I've jot been able to drink alcohol or eat much food, pressies were small but beautifully defined, yet the true meaning stood out even more.

So this new year after a few days relaxing up north I've had to time to be thankful...thankful that I've had time with loved ones, I've a job to come back to yesterday and a safe place to sleep ( when the coughing stops!!!)

I pray this year is a real time of blessings..even in places you don't expect.