Belonging

It's Saturday night..Marc is out playing at gig number 2 of his weekend and again I'm left pondering;
its a very strange place the land of maternity leave....just before I entered it I was absolutely dreading it, how would I cope and survive without work so many relationships are tied up in my job especially when you move around so much and what would I do with the time I had apart from look after a child??

Then within days of Elijah s arrival it felt like I d never want to go back to work, I was content, life was exhausting but satisfying and I embraced the time with open arms ...

It's been 6 months now and over the past few weeks I've done a few bits of work...a dearly loved lady s funeral, met our new vicar, a few bits for Dan s school and had the sanity of our drop in cafe at Upnor and cafe church at taggs to keep me going which has been great.

However I can't help but feel very much on the peripheral of every group, I don't fully fit here or there as I'm in between places...I'm not a stay at home mummy but I'm not a working mummy atm either. I cant engage fully in tasks because I have to be around to physically feed Elijah ( little tyke still won't take a bottle!) I have time on my hands yet it's in 2 hour blocks ( feeding clock)
There is so much I'm very keen to engage in but the timing just isn't right at the moment....things for the future or just feelings of missed opportunities I'm not sure yet, what I am sure of is the gratitude I feel for the dear friends old and new I have who are on this journey with me those I can moan with, share fatigue and sleep deprivation with and those who know what it's like to be awake at ridiculous o clock .ladies I thank you for being there morning noon and night.

Baby blues

It's been a while ... Am sure no one missed me 😜

There's a good reason though , well two actually .. First of all we've had our delayed summer holiday in Spain, a holiday of firsts .. Elijah s first plane and train rides Elijahs first cold , Daniel eating clams squid and mussels , getting caught with 2 kids in a thunder storm , exploring the delights of NON alcoholic beer ( not bad but def not as good!) and experiencing our first extra long airport delay!!! All in all definitely an experience !
The second reason I've gone to ground is due to s bit of baby blues... I'm not very good at all at sharing how things are effecting me but the last few weeks ( probably due to sleep deprivation ) I've struggled ... Elijah s been very unsettled teething and his cold and everyone we meet feels the need to comment on how large/chubby/chunky /fat he is. He's purely been breast fed so there's not much I can do about it and as dear folk tell me I should be proud but for some reason it's really got to me. Elijah s a pretty chilled out jolly chap with a really cute personality coming through yet already at 5 months I feel he's bring judged when did the world turn in to a place where we can judge others And make them feel negative.
I know it's temporary as Dan was chunky as were myself Marc and my nephew ..maybe I need to think of a good come back the next time it's mentioned .... Answers on a postcard 👶