ive never been good at saying goodbye..it seems so final and to be honest I just don't like things to end.
Today I had to say goodbye to a friend....another from Hoo that's 2 in 6 months and I have to tell you it's tough! People come in to your life and for no other reason than they are genuinely lovely nice people...Ray was one of those guys...always thinking of others, trying to sort things out for the common good .
When Ray came to me 2 years ago asking if I'd do his funeral when the time came I didn't know whether to laugh it off and say that s a long way off yet... or graciously accept that this was something we needed to talk about....we did the latter !!! All Ray wanted was for today to be helpful to his wife Babs....we wasn't too worried about music...no hymns though but wanted to make sure we looked after Babs and it helped her most....I'm praying that was achieved is afternoon!
It's always so hard doing a friends funeral and seeing people you know so sad...but it's also a comfort having them there as a support ..offering a hug or two afterwards.....for that I'm very grateful....without it not sure I would have been able to drive myself home ....
Saying goodbye seems so final, yet as a Christian I have the trust and faith that it's not final, it's not goodbye it's aurevoir for one day we will meet again
So Ray...aurevoir ..until we meet again x
Thursday 15 March 2018
Monday 12 March 2018
Birthday boy
8 years ago almost to the moment I didn't feel quite as I should...something was happening (don't panic I won't go into the details !)
After a very brief panicked trip to the hospital we were back home until 10am the next day....most of those previous hours spent in the bath trying to keep calm.
Weirdly 8 years later I remember every little detail of Daniels journey into the world, I can't remember what I had for tea yesterday but that is vivid in my mind !
When I think about time 8 years doesn't seem so long...I've been ordained 7 years and that's flown by yet in another breath it feels like Daniel has always been with us.....it's hard to remember life without children and I of course wouldn't want to ...despite the sleepless nights ...still!
Despite the challenges we have and will face Dan is turning into a very lovely and thoughtful young man...,today we had his party (beavers tomorrow!) and he was in total turmoil over who to invite as could only have 15 ..... there were reasons why he chose each person and heart ache when he realised he'd only chosen school friends ...given half a chance he'd invite every child he knows !
In another 8 years we will be heading towards Dan doing GCSEs or whatever the government has decided to test our kids with and that's a terrifying thought!
Time is valuable tomorrow I intend to enjoy every moment in the crazy business of the day....appreciate the day, appreciate the celebrations and appreciate the 8 years of my wonderful sons life !!!!
After a very brief panicked trip to the hospital we were back home until 10am the next day....most of those previous hours spent in the bath trying to keep calm.
Weirdly 8 years later I remember every little detail of Daniels journey into the world, I can't remember what I had for tea yesterday but that is vivid in my mind !
When I think about time 8 years doesn't seem so long...I've been ordained 7 years and that's flown by yet in another breath it feels like Daniel has always been with us.....it's hard to remember life without children and I of course wouldn't want to ...despite the sleepless nights ...still!
Despite the challenges we have and will face Dan is turning into a very lovely and thoughtful young man...,today we had his party (beavers tomorrow!) and he was in total turmoil over who to invite as could only have 15 ..... there were reasons why he chose each person and heart ache when he realised he'd only chosen school friends ...given half a chance he'd invite every child he knows !
In another 8 years we will be heading towards Dan doing GCSEs or whatever the government has decided to test our kids with and that's a terrifying thought!
Time is valuable tomorrow I intend to enjoy every moment in the crazy business of the day....appreciate the day, appreciate the celebrations and appreciate the 8 years of my wonderful sons life !!!!
Saturday 3 March 2018
Eva's Call
My heart is heavy today...I've been feeling quite emotional for a few days and no I'm not hormonal (that was last week at "The Band"!)
There have been two very powerful articles published this week one via The Church Times on Twitter (the actual one hasn't arrived due to snow)about how pioneers by nature don't fit in but yet "we" are so desperately needed in the church and. Another article based on a project by Ordinands (people training to be vicars) about the reaction and comments women have and still receive regarding their role especially as priests ....
Whether it's the combination of feeling at the moment out of place, that I don't "fit" anywhere flitting from place to place or whether the comments from Eva's call (https://artsrcc.wordpress.com/2018/03/02/evas-call/amp/?__twitter_impression=true)
It seems that being a pioneer and a women means spending a lot of time justifying your existence and your calling and apologising....but why
I feel passionately about being a mum and a Priest i feel "called" to do those roles and I hope that I give both those roles 💯 % so why as a mother and a person called to work outside the walls of traditional church is it so hard for people to get.....
even now with women in the public eye like the amazing Kate Bottley, women at every level of the church and even women Bishops consecrated in the last couple of years we still receive comments; I can have a laugh and a joke with the best of them but sometimes it hurts ...
And as for pioneers will the church ever get us?. Probably not!
This is not meant to be a personal reflection though of course I have had and still do receive comments that I'm sure are not said to my male colleagues it's a reflection on the bigger wider picture.
The world, our country even is in a mess , loving one another, treating one another with respect is the least we can do to try and let's all just think before we speak ..how would we feel if someone said those words to us..if they heart us they sure as heck are going to hurt others .
This week of crazy snow weather has been fun for many but isolating for even more....let's try and be more else aware ....making sure those around us are doing ok...and next time you see me a hug wouldn't go amis 😉
There have been two very powerful articles published this week one via The Church Times on Twitter (the actual one hasn't arrived due to snow)about how pioneers by nature don't fit in but yet "we" are so desperately needed in the church and. Another article based on a project by Ordinands (people training to be vicars) about the reaction and comments women have and still receive regarding their role especially as priests ....
Whether it's the combination of feeling at the moment out of place, that I don't "fit" anywhere flitting from place to place or whether the comments from Eva's call (https://artsrcc.wordpress.com/2018/03/02/evas-call/amp/?__twitter_impression=true)
It seems that being a pioneer and a women means spending a lot of time justifying your existence and your calling and apologising....but why
I feel passionately about being a mum and a Priest i feel "called" to do those roles and I hope that I give both those roles 💯 % so why as a mother and a person called to work outside the walls of traditional church is it so hard for people to get.....
even now with women in the public eye like the amazing Kate Bottley, women at every level of the church and even women Bishops consecrated in the last couple of years we still receive comments; I can have a laugh and a joke with the best of them but sometimes it hurts ...
And as for pioneers will the church ever get us?. Probably not!
This is not meant to be a personal reflection though of course I have had and still do receive comments that I'm sure are not said to my male colleagues it's a reflection on the bigger wider picture.
The world, our country even is in a mess , loving one another, treating one another with respect is the least we can do to try and let's all just think before we speak ..how would we feel if someone said those words to us..if they heart us they sure as heck are going to hurt others .
This week of crazy snow weather has been fun for many but isolating for even more....let's try and be more else aware ....making sure those around us are doing ok...and next time you see me a hug wouldn't go amis 😉
Friday 2 March 2018
TimeHop
There's an app on Facebook "Time Hop" that shows you what was happening this time last year, 5 years ago etc.... tonight there couldn't be more contradicting posts.... 9 years ago today I was trying to climb coconut trees in Goas boiling hot sun, last year I was in hospital with Elijah after he suffered a febrile convulsion and scared the heck out of me and today , well today looks more like December I'm sat in front of a rela fire eating a mince pie ...we are in to the 4th day of snow....something we southerners here in Kent rarely see...the last in fact Daniel was just two some 6 years ago!
It has been an interesting few days...luckily I'd cleared some space in the diary to prepare for a conferences I was helping teach on this weekend (I'm not going to get there !) so had some flexibility in the days and could move the diary around a bit, do some Ahead prep and mainly spend some quality time that I'd missed at half term with the boys and my great friend Rosemary who by luck also had snow days from school!
The snow brought out the best and worst in the boys, the look of awe and wonder on their faces looking longingly at it through the window each day then the terror and tears when the cold bitterness hit their poor little bodies was extreme! They did develop a love for the sledge a very classy wooden one of Rosemary's mum s that she brought over and Dan took great delight in filming me as I fell off quite dramatically.
Change in plans and routine is something that is a struggle in our house but I've really appreciated this week (despite the annoyance in many ways) its given me time to be, to reflect, to have fun again to realise that yes you can enjoy life at 40 (for the sake of your kids of course !!!!) to take life at a slower pace, to appreciate what you have... a roof over our head, food -of sorts-to eat, family and friends ....but also to truly appreciate the beauty of creation , looking out of the window each morning at the glistening White has just lightened everything . For many I know it's a cause of stress, isolation and despair but for me it's ignited a new sense of life .....keep safe guys x
It has been an interesting few days...luckily I'd cleared some space in the diary to prepare for a conferences I was helping teach on this weekend (I'm not going to get there !) so had some flexibility in the days and could move the diary around a bit, do some Ahead prep and mainly spend some quality time that I'd missed at half term with the boys and my great friend Rosemary who by luck also had snow days from school!
The snow brought out the best and worst in the boys, the look of awe and wonder on their faces looking longingly at it through the window each day then the terror and tears when the cold bitterness hit their poor little bodies was extreme! They did develop a love for the sledge a very classy wooden one of Rosemary's mum s that she brought over and Dan took great delight in filming me as I fell off quite dramatically.
Change in plans and routine is something that is a struggle in our house but I've really appreciated this week (despite the annoyance in many ways) its given me time to be, to reflect, to have fun again to realise that yes you can enjoy life at 40 (for the sake of your kids of course !!!!) to take life at a slower pace, to appreciate what you have... a roof over our head, food -of sorts-to eat, family and friends ....but also to truly appreciate the beauty of creation , looking out of the window each morning at the glistening White has just lightened everything . For many I know it's a cause of stress, isolation and despair but for me it's ignited a new sense of life .....keep safe guys x
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