A broken place?

The last 24 hours have been the strangest, confusing, heartwrenching I have experienced for some time.

Yesterday Tuesday 20th November I returned home at 3.30pm keen to listen into the General Synod debate and vote deciding whether finally women bishops would be welcomed into the Church of England.

After some listening my heart began to sino deeper and deeper as the negative views and concerns were coming through thick and fast...however those known to me were positive and supportive so a glimmer of hope remained..

However, at 6.10 (or there abouts) the votes came in ....the bishops approved , the clergy approved but the house of Laity rejected the motion.

I was In Shock, I was angry, I was hurt, my heart felt literally broken. Until this very moment I hadn't realised how much this decision meant to me....I don' aspire to be a bishop, I just don't think I am the right type of person for the job...but my mum is and this decision and delay means that opportunity will never arise. It also hurt to think that after all the church and women in leadership have been through there are still those who feel that as a woman I am inferior and so is my ministry.
I truly feel that I am called by God to be a Priest. I truly believe that I have the skills and knowledge and ability to be a Priest. I truly believe that God wouldn't want this to internal issue to distract from the Good news of the Gospel...

However, open up a paper physically or virtually this morning, listen to the news, read Twitter and Facebook and very soon it becomes clear that this decision has had nothing but a negative effect on the church, making it look irrelevant and archaic.

So after a sleepless and distressing night, a question answering morning from those who don't get it I have come to a place where I feel it is ok to be cross but actually my calling hasn't changed, my job is still the same and my mission is even more important...to make Jesus known to those who struggle with church. So I wear my dog collar with pride and live to fight another day ;-)......my thoughts and prayers are with those truly heartbroken and who's vision and calling will not be fulfilled.

Phillipians 4:13

 

Back to school

 

This week has been really really busy, even more busy than usual!. It has been a time to reflect  a time to remember and I have felt like I have returned to school as have had 3 different teaching engagements on 3 consecutive week days.

 

 

This week I have had the pleasure and the joy of teaching the air cadets, a group of lay people exploring how to develop mission in thier local areas and training people about the inherited church models as part of their first module on the road of them becoming authorised memebrs of the Church of England.

 

3 very different groups of people, 3 very different experiences, 3 very different blessing.

 

I discovered this week 3 things:

 

1) I absolutely love teaching..it has been a while since I did any large amount of teaching more than the odd training session, doing these 3 in a row has been a real honour.

 

2) There are so many people, young and older who have so many questions, ideas, thoughts and views that create a kalaedascope of engagement.

 

 

3) I am soooo tired and as well as these 3 teaching engagements I have also had a funeral visit, pastoral visit, meetings and 2 sermons to prepare...however, despite the business of my life this week I have survived and learnt so much and only by the grace of God and his strength...

 

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" Phillipians 4:13

 

 

Every day I wake up and look forward to whatever lies ahead.....that is often unknown...and every day I go to bed surprised by how I have been chosen to do such a wonderful job...I just need to remember it when I am feeling shattered!

 

Our transformed Cross using white and red poppies this Rememberance Sunday