My heart is heavy today...I've been feeling quite emotional for a few days and no I'm not hormonal (that was last week at "The Band"!)
There have been two very powerful articles published this week one via The Church Times on Twitter (the actual one hasn't arrived due to snow)about how pioneers by nature don't fit in but yet "we" are so desperately needed in the church and. Another article based on a project by Ordinands (people training to be vicars) about the reaction and comments women have and still receive regarding their role especially as priests ....
Whether it's the combination of feeling at the moment out of place, that I don't "fit" anywhere flitting from place to place or whether the comments from Eva's call (https://artsrcc.wordpress.com/2018/03/02/evas-call/amp/?__twitter_impression=true)
It seems that being a pioneer and a women means spending a lot of time justifying your existence and your calling and apologising....but why
I feel passionately about being a mum and a Priest i feel "called" to do those roles and I hope that I give both those roles 💯 % so why as a mother and a person called to work outside the walls of traditional church is it so hard for people to get.....
even now with women in the public eye like the amazing Kate Bottley, women at every level of the church and even women Bishops consecrated in the last couple of years we still receive comments; I can have a laugh and a joke with the best of them but sometimes it hurts ...
And as for pioneers will the church ever get us?. Probably not!
This is not meant to be a personal reflection though of course I have had and still do receive comments that I'm sure are not said to my male colleagues it's a reflection on the bigger wider picture.
The world, our country even is in a mess , loving one another, treating one another with respect is the least we can do to try and let's all just think before we speak ..how would we feel if someone said those words to us..if they heart us they sure as heck are going to hurt others .
This week of crazy snow weather has been fun for many but isolating for even more....let's try and be more else aware ....making sure those around us are doing ok...and next time you see me a hug wouldn't go amis 😉
Saturday, 3 March 2018
Friday, 2 March 2018
TimeHop
There's an app on Facebook "Time Hop" that shows you what was happening this time last year, 5 years ago etc.... tonight there couldn't be more contradicting posts.... 9 years ago today I was trying to climb coconut trees in Goas boiling hot sun, last year I was in hospital with Elijah after he suffered a febrile convulsion and scared the heck out of me and today , well today looks more like December I'm sat in front of a rela fire eating a mince pie ...we are in to the 4th day of snow....something we southerners here in Kent rarely see...the last in fact Daniel was just two some 6 years ago!
It has been an interesting few days...luckily I'd cleared some space in the diary to prepare for a conferences I was helping teach on this weekend (I'm not going to get there !) so had some flexibility in the days and could move the diary around a bit, do some Ahead prep and mainly spend some quality time that I'd missed at half term with the boys and my great friend Rosemary who by luck also had snow days from school!
The snow brought out the best and worst in the boys, the look of awe and wonder on their faces looking longingly at it through the window each day then the terror and tears when the cold bitterness hit their poor little bodies was extreme! They did develop a love for the sledge a very classy wooden one of Rosemary's mum s that she brought over and Dan took great delight in filming me as I fell off quite dramatically.
Change in plans and routine is something that is a struggle in our house but I've really appreciated this week (despite the annoyance in many ways) its given me time to be, to reflect, to have fun again to realise that yes you can enjoy life at 40 (for the sake of your kids of course !!!!) to take life at a slower pace, to appreciate what you have... a roof over our head, food -of sorts-to eat, family and friends ....but also to truly appreciate the beauty of creation , looking out of the window each morning at the glistening White has just lightened everything . For many I know it's a cause of stress, isolation and despair but for me it's ignited a new sense of life .....keep safe guys x
It has been an interesting few days...luckily I'd cleared some space in the diary to prepare for a conferences I was helping teach on this weekend (I'm not going to get there !) so had some flexibility in the days and could move the diary around a bit, do some Ahead prep and mainly spend some quality time that I'd missed at half term with the boys and my great friend Rosemary who by luck also had snow days from school!
The snow brought out the best and worst in the boys, the look of awe and wonder on their faces looking longingly at it through the window each day then the terror and tears when the cold bitterness hit their poor little bodies was extreme! They did develop a love for the sledge a very classy wooden one of Rosemary's mum s that she brought over and Dan took great delight in filming me as I fell off quite dramatically.
Change in plans and routine is something that is a struggle in our house but I've really appreciated this week (despite the annoyance in many ways) its given me time to be, to reflect, to have fun again to realise that yes you can enjoy life at 40 (for the sake of your kids of course !!!!) to take life at a slower pace, to appreciate what you have... a roof over our head, food -of sorts-to eat, family and friends ....but also to truly appreciate the beauty of creation , looking out of the window each morning at the glistening White has just lightened everything . For many I know it's a cause of stress, isolation and despair but for me it's ignited a new sense of life .....keep safe guys x
Monday, 26 February 2018
Without walls
this week has been intense....work has been busy with the usual stuff but also 2 very different services to plan prep and deliver and Marc has been poorly too....yes I confess straight away I bailed out of cooking and the kids had McDonald's on Thursday , rubbish mum but it was that or go hungry such is the state of this week !
The stress of the week came to a head today as we had the services, I had the real joy of leading and speaking at a fourth Sunday contemporary service, a service that isn't communion so has less rules than usual, a chance to be creative whilst retaining the laws of the Church of England...a fab opportunity to experiment and do things differently.......but this takes time...time to think and reflect, time to ponder and time to write.....after a week of sleepless nights words went onto paper and a service came to be. It's a while since I've done a service in isolation of anyone...usually there's someone else to lead or speak so I did feel quite vulnerable , I tell a lie, for the first 15 minutes I had Elijah by my side...but after that just me myself and I and the amazing Anne who was my gopher with the microphone. We started the service with "be our guest" from beauty and the beast and went on from there !! I'm not saying the service was perfect or life changing but there were good comments afterwards and thought how great it is to be able to do my own thing in my style, so often I'm jumping into someone else's pattern. Where we are now though is on the cusp of developing something new. As a pioneer I have no building of my own but short the clergy in theirs but we are looking (we=me and Marc) at how we can develop something new without having A building....using our house, going outdoors, visiting cafes, pubs the cinema etc different ways of building community....it's an exciting, terrifying, anxious time ...we hope and pray that we can a place where people feel comfortable to come and go ...watch is space. The world has become very isolated and I feel it's vital that we get back that sense of community...looking out for and after each other, spending time with each other not just out of necessity or through work but do more socially together......anyone want to join us let us know 👍🏻
The stress of the week came to a head today as we had the services, I had the real joy of leading and speaking at a fourth Sunday contemporary service, a service that isn't communion so has less rules than usual, a chance to be creative whilst retaining the laws of the Church of England...a fab opportunity to experiment and do things differently.......but this takes time...time to think and reflect, time to ponder and time to write.....after a week of sleepless nights words went onto paper and a service came to be. It's a while since I've done a service in isolation of anyone...usually there's someone else to lead or speak so I did feel quite vulnerable , I tell a lie, for the first 15 minutes I had Elijah by my side...but after that just me myself and I and the amazing Anne who was my gopher with the microphone. We started the service with "be our guest" from beauty and the beast and went on from there !! I'm not saying the service was perfect or life changing but there were good comments afterwards and thought how great it is to be able to do my own thing in my style, so often I'm jumping into someone else's pattern. Where we are now though is on the cusp of developing something new. As a pioneer I have no building of my own but short the clergy in theirs but we are looking (we=me and Marc) at how we can develop something new without having A building....using our house, going outdoors, visiting cafes, pubs the cinema etc different ways of building community....it's an exciting, terrifying, anxious time ...we hope and pray that we can a place where people feel comfortable to come and go ...watch is space. The world has become very isolated and I feel it's vital that we get back that sense of community...looking out for and after each other, spending time with each other not just out of necessity or through work but do more socially together......anyone want to join us let us know 👍🏻
Sunday, 18 February 2018
Wastelands and wilderness
This has been a crazy mixed up week!!!
The first part of the week was really busy as we prepared for the start of Lent....holding a Pancake party and then an Ashing experience at our drop in cafe.. all really lovely events with lots of food for thought .
Having worked half the week Wednesday night we hot the road and took refuge for a couple of days down at my folks in Deal.
Most of you know my boys are high energy and so thrive being outside ..... we spent a day walking up and down the prom visiting Walter Castle and generally enjoying the great out doors and enjoying tree climbing Andy den building as well as playing on the beach and in the arcades!
the next we decided to jump on a train...purely because it's Elijah favourite thing in the world and visit Margate..originally because we had a thought that Marc and Dan may want to go to "Geek Fest" but as we approached the queues were massive and Daniel said it seemed too busy and scary so we carried on to the beach and to the turner Gallery.
I'm really interested in photography, art and sculpture t had seen an advert for "The Wasteland" and was intruiged..strangely enough so wasn't Dan (something to do with a certain head teacher mentioning the place I believe!!!)
The exhibition did not disappoint , the exhibits were fascinating , random, inspiring, intruiging and disturbing all in one; even Elijah was able to engage for a while and Daniel was just mesmerised !!!!
The thing that has stayed with me over the last few days since being home has been that Wasteland.... thinking too about the wilderness preparing for today's sermon that Jesus encountered in himself preparation for his ministry ....are wastelands always a "waste" or do they have a part to play? Can they be useful in certain situations and can they in their "emptiness " be a haven of space and natural
beauty.
For Jesus he needed the wilderness, to engage in the Wasteland to get clarity, clear his head, to fully converse with God his father. Are there times when we need to find solice, look for the beauty in the
places others dismiss , retreat to find ourselves?....
The natural beauty around us, the beauty others can depict in art and sculpture has definitely been awe inspiring !
This week also saw me walk the wilderness journey with dear friends as after 54 years of marriage they were separated by the evil that is cancer... this part of the job is so so tough you wouldn't believe, yet so much of a blessing, you hear the stories of youth, the tales and the slightly cheeky things people got up to but mostly you get to sit with people as they think and reflect how they have been touched by another human being. To be in the wilderness , walking the Wasteland journey alone is an experience but to encounter life and journey it with others, I feel, is the ultimate blessing !
The first part of the week was really busy as we prepared for the start of Lent....holding a Pancake party and then an Ashing experience at our drop in cafe.. all really lovely events with lots of food for thought .
Having worked half the week Wednesday night we hot the road and took refuge for a couple of days down at my folks in Deal.
Most of you know my boys are high energy and so thrive being outside ..... we spent a day walking up and down the prom visiting Walter Castle and generally enjoying the great out doors and enjoying tree climbing Andy den building as well as playing on the beach and in the arcades!
the next we decided to jump on a train...purely because it's Elijah favourite thing in the world and visit Margate..originally because we had a thought that Marc and Dan may want to go to "Geek Fest" but as we approached the queues were massive and Daniel said it seemed too busy and scary so we carried on to the beach and to the turner Gallery.
I'm really interested in photography, art and sculpture t had seen an advert for "The Wasteland" and was intruiged..strangely enough so wasn't Dan (something to do with a certain head teacher mentioning the place I believe!!!)
The exhibition did not disappoint , the exhibits were fascinating , random, inspiring, intruiging and disturbing all in one; even Elijah was able to engage for a while and Daniel was just mesmerised !!!!
The thing that has stayed with me over the last few days since being home has been that Wasteland.... thinking too about the wilderness preparing for today's sermon that Jesus encountered in himself preparation for his ministry ....are wastelands always a "waste" or do they have a part to play? Can they be useful in certain situations and can they in their "emptiness " be a haven of space and natural
beauty.
For Jesus he needed the wilderness, to engage in the Wasteland to get clarity, clear his head, to fully converse with God his father. Are there times when we need to find solice, look for the beauty in the
places others dismiss , retreat to find ourselves?....
The natural beauty around us, the beauty others can depict in art and sculpture has definitely been awe inspiring !
This week also saw me walk the wilderness journey with dear friends as after 54 years of marriage they were separated by the evil that is cancer... this part of the job is so so tough you wouldn't believe, yet so much of a blessing, you hear the stories of youth, the tales and the slightly cheeky things people got up to but mostly you get to sit with people as they think and reflect how they have been touched by another human being. To be in the wilderness , walking the Wasteland journey alone is an experience but to encounter life and journey it with others, I feel, is the ultimate blessing !
Tuesday, 13 February 2018
Therapy
Today was set to be a full on crazy day with a last minute meeting called this morning , a pancake play party this afternoon and teaching MSM at Bluewater tonight.
instantly the mood of the day slowed right down as I received a phone call early this morning to let me know a dear friend and gentleman I worked with in hoo on our residents association had passed away just minutes before . This happens a lot in my work but This passing knocked me for six. Not only do I class the couple as friends but I've walked this long painful journey of cancer with them and had only thought yesterday he'd taken a positive turn ... oftern the way !!
But as with life you pick yourself up and keep going .. the hustle and bustle of children playing together and pancakes being eaten soon distracted me but the ultimate healer was the visit from my favourite 4 legged friend (and her owner!) Sometimes pick me ups come from sources you don't even think of but today for the visit I'm immensely grateful!
So now I take a deep breath have another coffee and prepare for a long night in Bluewater.. grateful tonspecial friends and the gift of friendship !
instantly the mood of the day slowed right down as I received a phone call early this morning to let me know a dear friend and gentleman I worked with in hoo on our residents association had passed away just minutes before . This happens a lot in my work but This passing knocked me for six. Not only do I class the couple as friends but I've walked this long painful journey of cancer with them and had only thought yesterday he'd taken a positive turn ... oftern the way !!
But as with life you pick yourself up and keep going .. the hustle and bustle of children playing together and pancakes being eaten soon distracted me but the ultimate healer was the visit from my favourite 4 legged friend (and her owner!) Sometimes pick me ups come from sources you don't even think of but today for the visit I'm immensely grateful!
So now I take a deep breath have another coffee and prepare for a long night in Bluewater.. grateful tonspecial friends and the gift of friendship !
Tuesday, 6 February 2018
Lights, camera.....
I've always been described as a shy extrovert.... I can be pretty quiet , I'd like to say reflective and can melt into the background, but, I absolutely love being with people (good job with my job!)
When I was younger I was given the great opportunity of being part of a drama group, we met each week and did various things , mainly panto. At the age of 10 I starred as the main part in amoer goose ....(Priscilla the goose!) no one else wanted the part ...I couldn't understand why ???? 🙈 I progressed through various parts and even got to play Sleeping Beauty (no one else available I'm sure!!) I just loved being on the stage, the escapism into other worlds and lands, the lights the cameras the audience....to those who enabled me to have these experiences I'm so eternally grateful...but then as we moved and I went to a school where a northern accent wasn't cool anymore and the only part I was offered was that of Bottom from a midsummers nights dream 😢 My days on the stage were over!!!
But yesterday I had the real privilege of helping chaperone the choir from Daniel's school, they were singing at the young voices concert in the O2. 7891 children in. Achoir in front of 20,000 adults!!! It was absolutely outstanding, the music, the singing the atmosphere was purely electric, the kids behave differently brilliantly, it was a long day and night, we are knackered today but my goodness it was truly wonderful ! I was so proud to play a small part in such a massive experience and hat an experience it was for those children .
And Dan.....he was so so good....he was a bit wobbly in places but grabbed my hand , took a deep breath and carried on..... proud doesn't come close !!!
When I was younger I was given the great opportunity of being part of a drama group, we met each week and did various things , mainly panto. At the age of 10 I starred as the main part in amoer goose ....(Priscilla the goose!) no one else wanted the part ...I couldn't understand why ???? 🙈 I progressed through various parts and even got to play Sleeping Beauty (no one else available I'm sure!!) I just loved being on the stage, the escapism into other worlds and lands, the lights the cameras the audience....to those who enabled me to have these experiences I'm so eternally grateful...but then as we moved and I went to a school where a northern accent wasn't cool anymore and the only part I was offered was that of Bottom from a midsummers nights dream 😢 My days on the stage were over!!!
But yesterday I had the real privilege of helping chaperone the choir from Daniel's school, they were singing at the young voices concert in the O2. 7891 children in. Achoir in front of 20,000 adults!!! It was absolutely outstanding, the music, the singing the atmosphere was purely electric, the kids behave differently brilliantly, it was a long day and night, we are knackered today but my goodness it was truly wonderful ! I was so proud to play a small part in such a massive experience and hat an experience it was for those children .
And Dan.....he was so so good....he was a bit wobbly in places but grabbed my hand , took a deep breath and carried on..... proud doesn't come close !!!
Saturday, 20 January 2018
Torture
They say sleep deprivation is the worst kind of torture and I've sure experienced that this week....poor Elijah has had a terrible cough/ virus that has made him grumpy , hot and cough most of the night. marc and I have shared the propping up on our shoulder, the 4 hourly drug run and the trying to keep everything else going during the day between us.
It's felt like a really tough few weeks, lot soft things, not just Elijah being ill but different circumstances have been an up hill struggle. And I know it's not just me struggling lots of people have had a difficult few weeks, the loss of loved ones , work dead lines, illness...lots and lots of illness.
And in these situations it's so easy to go down, to feel sorry for yourself and to sink, but this weekend I decided to do the opposite , to come up fighting , to grab life back by the horns, to spend time , even if I didn't have it, with friends and family , to book that extra treat, to plan that visit to check up on those friends in need.
In the difficult times look to the sky, for in the clouds there is often still a hint of light, a star shining in the darkness, a streak of sun trying to burst through...
It's felt like a really tough few weeks, lot soft things, not just Elijah being ill but different circumstances have been an up hill struggle. And I know it's not just me struggling lots of people have had a difficult few weeks, the loss of loved ones , work dead lines, illness...lots and lots of illness.
And in these situations it's so easy to go down, to feel sorry for yourself and to sink, but this weekend I decided to do the opposite , to come up fighting , to grab life back by the horns, to spend time , even if I didn't have it, with friends and family , to book that extra treat, to plan that visit to check up on those friends in need.
In the difficult times look to the sky, for in the clouds there is often still a hint of light, a star shining in the darkness, a streak of sun trying to burst through...
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