its been a strange old few weeks...from having shingles and not really seeing anyone for 5 days (apart from the wonderful Rose who entertained the kids for an afternoon) to having to cram so much preparation , services, egg buying, services, ironing, services, sorting kids out, services I'm fleeing physical exhausted yet mentally wide awake.
This Holy Week into Easter has been very different for me....I've spent it at St Nicks which is a much higher traditioned church than I'm use can to so each service had new experiences for me to encounter but also a lot of things to learn and remember ....on top of that we also had to evenings of "interesting" visitors that involved me dealing with some very pastorally sensitive situations ...again a blessing to be a part of terrifying at times and energy zapping. And then today ..my most favourite ever day too elebrate and what Happens...... Marc is ill ....too ill to look after the kids an hour of stress working out what to do and an angel in Rose come see to take them to her church where she's leading the youth work but swaps to children's to have my boys.....amazing and thankfully the Monty's invited us to go over for the afternoon for lunch !!!
Having given up sweets and chocolate it's been much needed today to get through though I did forget to buy myself an egg but very grateful to my sis for obliging ....I am however tempted to pop to hotel chocolate tomorrow on the first chance of a sale....
So amidst the lows of good Friday and the highs of resurrection joy tonight I'm feeling thoroughly exhausted.....totally overwhelmed and to be honest a wee bit lonely ... may be this is how the disciples and apostles felt that first Easter Sunday.... having gone through the trials and tribulations of Jesus' death th e the shock and surprise of his ressurection and then the panic of what would happen next that first ight im sure they too felt a bit discombobulated!
But the truth is Jesus rose , God is good and tomorrow is another day!!!! Happy Easter one and all xxx
Sunday, 1 April 2018
Thursday, 15 March 2018
Goodbyes
ive never been good at saying goodbye..it seems so final and to be honest I just don't like things to end.
Today I had to say goodbye to a friend....another from Hoo that's 2 in 6 months and I have to tell you it's tough! People come in to your life and for no other reason than they are genuinely lovely nice people...Ray was one of those guys...always thinking of others, trying to sort things out for the common good .
When Ray came to me 2 years ago asking if I'd do his funeral when the time came I didn't know whether to laugh it off and say that s a long way off yet... or graciously accept that this was something we needed to talk about....we did the latter !!! All Ray wanted was for today to be helpful to his wife Babs....we wasn't too worried about music...no hymns though but wanted to make sure we looked after Babs and it helped her most....I'm praying that was achieved is afternoon!
It's always so hard doing a friends funeral and seeing people you know so sad...but it's also a comfort having them there as a support ..offering a hug or two afterwards.....for that I'm very grateful....without it not sure I would have been able to drive myself home ....
Saying goodbye seems so final, yet as a Christian I have the trust and faith that it's not final, it's not goodbye it's aurevoir for one day we will meet again
So Ray...aurevoir ..until we meet again x
Today I had to say goodbye to a friend....another from Hoo that's 2 in 6 months and I have to tell you it's tough! People come in to your life and for no other reason than they are genuinely lovely nice people...Ray was one of those guys...always thinking of others, trying to sort things out for the common good .
When Ray came to me 2 years ago asking if I'd do his funeral when the time came I didn't know whether to laugh it off and say that s a long way off yet... or graciously accept that this was something we needed to talk about....we did the latter !!! All Ray wanted was for today to be helpful to his wife Babs....we wasn't too worried about music...no hymns though but wanted to make sure we looked after Babs and it helped her most....I'm praying that was achieved is afternoon!
It's always so hard doing a friends funeral and seeing people you know so sad...but it's also a comfort having them there as a support ..offering a hug or two afterwards.....for that I'm very grateful....without it not sure I would have been able to drive myself home ....
Saying goodbye seems so final, yet as a Christian I have the trust and faith that it's not final, it's not goodbye it's aurevoir for one day we will meet again
So Ray...aurevoir ..until we meet again x
Monday, 12 March 2018
Birthday boy
8 years ago almost to the moment I didn't feel quite as I should...something was happening (don't panic I won't go into the details !)
After a very brief panicked trip to the hospital we were back home until 10am the next day....most of those previous hours spent in the bath trying to keep calm.
Weirdly 8 years later I remember every little detail of Daniels journey into the world, I can't remember what I had for tea yesterday but that is vivid in my mind !
When I think about time 8 years doesn't seem so long...I've been ordained 7 years and that's flown by yet in another breath it feels like Daniel has always been with us.....it's hard to remember life without children and I of course wouldn't want to ...despite the sleepless nights ...still!
Despite the challenges we have and will face Dan is turning into a very lovely and thoughtful young man...,today we had his party (beavers tomorrow!) and he was in total turmoil over who to invite as could only have 15 ..... there were reasons why he chose each person and heart ache when he realised he'd only chosen school friends ...given half a chance he'd invite every child he knows !
In another 8 years we will be heading towards Dan doing GCSEs or whatever the government has decided to test our kids with and that's a terrifying thought!
Time is valuable tomorrow I intend to enjoy every moment in the crazy business of the day....appreciate the day, appreciate the celebrations and appreciate the 8 years of my wonderful sons life !!!!
After a very brief panicked trip to the hospital we were back home until 10am the next day....most of those previous hours spent in the bath trying to keep calm.
Weirdly 8 years later I remember every little detail of Daniels journey into the world, I can't remember what I had for tea yesterday but that is vivid in my mind !
When I think about time 8 years doesn't seem so long...I've been ordained 7 years and that's flown by yet in another breath it feels like Daniel has always been with us.....it's hard to remember life without children and I of course wouldn't want to ...despite the sleepless nights ...still!
Despite the challenges we have and will face Dan is turning into a very lovely and thoughtful young man...,today we had his party (beavers tomorrow!) and he was in total turmoil over who to invite as could only have 15 ..... there were reasons why he chose each person and heart ache when he realised he'd only chosen school friends ...given half a chance he'd invite every child he knows !
In another 8 years we will be heading towards Dan doing GCSEs or whatever the government has decided to test our kids with and that's a terrifying thought!
Time is valuable tomorrow I intend to enjoy every moment in the crazy business of the day....appreciate the day, appreciate the celebrations and appreciate the 8 years of my wonderful sons life !!!!
Saturday, 3 March 2018
Eva's Call
My heart is heavy today...I've been feeling quite emotional for a few days and no I'm not hormonal (that was last week at "The Band"!)
There have been two very powerful articles published this week one via The Church Times on Twitter (the actual one hasn't arrived due to snow)about how pioneers by nature don't fit in but yet "we" are so desperately needed in the church and. Another article based on a project by Ordinands (people training to be vicars) about the reaction and comments women have and still receive regarding their role especially as priests ....
Whether it's the combination of feeling at the moment out of place, that I don't "fit" anywhere flitting from place to place or whether the comments from Eva's call (https://artsrcc.wordpress.com/2018/03/02/evas-call/amp/?__twitter_impression=true)
It seems that being a pioneer and a women means spending a lot of time justifying your existence and your calling and apologising....but why
I feel passionately about being a mum and a Priest i feel "called" to do those roles and I hope that I give both those roles 💯 % so why as a mother and a person called to work outside the walls of traditional church is it so hard for people to get.....
even now with women in the public eye like the amazing Kate Bottley, women at every level of the church and even women Bishops consecrated in the last couple of years we still receive comments; I can have a laugh and a joke with the best of them but sometimes it hurts ...
And as for pioneers will the church ever get us?. Probably not!
This is not meant to be a personal reflection though of course I have had and still do receive comments that I'm sure are not said to my male colleagues it's a reflection on the bigger wider picture.
The world, our country even is in a mess , loving one another, treating one another with respect is the least we can do to try and let's all just think before we speak ..how would we feel if someone said those words to us..if they heart us they sure as heck are going to hurt others .
This week of crazy snow weather has been fun for many but isolating for even more....let's try and be more else aware ....making sure those around us are doing ok...and next time you see me a hug wouldn't go amis 😉
There have been two very powerful articles published this week one via The Church Times on Twitter (the actual one hasn't arrived due to snow)about how pioneers by nature don't fit in but yet "we" are so desperately needed in the church and. Another article based on a project by Ordinands (people training to be vicars) about the reaction and comments women have and still receive regarding their role especially as priests ....
Whether it's the combination of feeling at the moment out of place, that I don't "fit" anywhere flitting from place to place or whether the comments from Eva's call (https://artsrcc.wordpress.com/2018/03/02/evas-call/amp/?__twitter_impression=true)
It seems that being a pioneer and a women means spending a lot of time justifying your existence and your calling and apologising....but why
I feel passionately about being a mum and a Priest i feel "called" to do those roles and I hope that I give both those roles 💯 % so why as a mother and a person called to work outside the walls of traditional church is it so hard for people to get.....
even now with women in the public eye like the amazing Kate Bottley, women at every level of the church and even women Bishops consecrated in the last couple of years we still receive comments; I can have a laugh and a joke with the best of them but sometimes it hurts ...
And as for pioneers will the church ever get us?. Probably not!
This is not meant to be a personal reflection though of course I have had and still do receive comments that I'm sure are not said to my male colleagues it's a reflection on the bigger wider picture.
The world, our country even is in a mess , loving one another, treating one another with respect is the least we can do to try and let's all just think before we speak ..how would we feel if someone said those words to us..if they heart us they sure as heck are going to hurt others .
This week of crazy snow weather has been fun for many but isolating for even more....let's try and be more else aware ....making sure those around us are doing ok...and next time you see me a hug wouldn't go amis 😉
Friday, 2 March 2018
TimeHop
There's an app on Facebook "Time Hop" that shows you what was happening this time last year, 5 years ago etc.... tonight there couldn't be more contradicting posts.... 9 years ago today I was trying to climb coconut trees in Goas boiling hot sun, last year I was in hospital with Elijah after he suffered a febrile convulsion and scared the heck out of me and today , well today looks more like December I'm sat in front of a rela fire eating a mince pie ...we are in to the 4th day of snow....something we southerners here in Kent rarely see...the last in fact Daniel was just two some 6 years ago!
It has been an interesting few days...luckily I'd cleared some space in the diary to prepare for a conferences I was helping teach on this weekend (I'm not going to get there !) so had some flexibility in the days and could move the diary around a bit, do some Ahead prep and mainly spend some quality time that I'd missed at half term with the boys and my great friend Rosemary who by luck also had snow days from school!
The snow brought out the best and worst in the boys, the look of awe and wonder on their faces looking longingly at it through the window each day then the terror and tears when the cold bitterness hit their poor little bodies was extreme! They did develop a love for the sledge a very classy wooden one of Rosemary's mum s that she brought over and Dan took great delight in filming me as I fell off quite dramatically.
Change in plans and routine is something that is a struggle in our house but I've really appreciated this week (despite the annoyance in many ways) its given me time to be, to reflect, to have fun again to realise that yes you can enjoy life at 40 (for the sake of your kids of course !!!!) to take life at a slower pace, to appreciate what you have... a roof over our head, food -of sorts-to eat, family and friends ....but also to truly appreciate the beauty of creation , looking out of the window each morning at the glistening White has just lightened everything . For many I know it's a cause of stress, isolation and despair but for me it's ignited a new sense of life .....keep safe guys x
It has been an interesting few days...luckily I'd cleared some space in the diary to prepare for a conferences I was helping teach on this weekend (I'm not going to get there !) so had some flexibility in the days and could move the diary around a bit, do some Ahead prep and mainly spend some quality time that I'd missed at half term with the boys and my great friend Rosemary who by luck also had snow days from school!
The snow brought out the best and worst in the boys, the look of awe and wonder on their faces looking longingly at it through the window each day then the terror and tears when the cold bitterness hit their poor little bodies was extreme! They did develop a love for the sledge a very classy wooden one of Rosemary's mum s that she brought over and Dan took great delight in filming me as I fell off quite dramatically.
Change in plans and routine is something that is a struggle in our house but I've really appreciated this week (despite the annoyance in many ways) its given me time to be, to reflect, to have fun again to realise that yes you can enjoy life at 40 (for the sake of your kids of course !!!!) to take life at a slower pace, to appreciate what you have... a roof over our head, food -of sorts-to eat, family and friends ....but also to truly appreciate the beauty of creation , looking out of the window each morning at the glistening White has just lightened everything . For many I know it's a cause of stress, isolation and despair but for me it's ignited a new sense of life .....keep safe guys x
Monday, 26 February 2018
Without walls
this week has been intense....work has been busy with the usual stuff but also 2 very different services to plan prep and deliver and Marc has been poorly too....yes I confess straight away I bailed out of cooking and the kids had McDonald's on Thursday , rubbish mum but it was that or go hungry such is the state of this week !
The stress of the week came to a head today as we had the services, I had the real joy of leading and speaking at a fourth Sunday contemporary service, a service that isn't communion so has less rules than usual, a chance to be creative whilst retaining the laws of the Church of England...a fab opportunity to experiment and do things differently.......but this takes time...time to think and reflect, time to ponder and time to write.....after a week of sleepless nights words went onto paper and a service came to be. It's a while since I've done a service in isolation of anyone...usually there's someone else to lead or speak so I did feel quite vulnerable , I tell a lie, for the first 15 minutes I had Elijah by my side...but after that just me myself and I and the amazing Anne who was my gopher with the microphone. We started the service with "be our guest" from beauty and the beast and went on from there !! I'm not saying the service was perfect or life changing but there were good comments afterwards and thought how great it is to be able to do my own thing in my style, so often I'm jumping into someone else's pattern. Where we are now though is on the cusp of developing something new. As a pioneer I have no building of my own but short the clergy in theirs but we are looking (we=me and Marc) at how we can develop something new without having A building....using our house, going outdoors, visiting cafes, pubs the cinema etc different ways of building community....it's an exciting, terrifying, anxious time ...we hope and pray that we can a place where people feel comfortable to come and go ...watch is space. The world has become very isolated and I feel it's vital that we get back that sense of community...looking out for and after each other, spending time with each other not just out of necessity or through work but do more socially together......anyone want to join us let us know 👍🏻
The stress of the week came to a head today as we had the services, I had the real joy of leading and speaking at a fourth Sunday contemporary service, a service that isn't communion so has less rules than usual, a chance to be creative whilst retaining the laws of the Church of England...a fab opportunity to experiment and do things differently.......but this takes time...time to think and reflect, time to ponder and time to write.....after a week of sleepless nights words went onto paper and a service came to be. It's a while since I've done a service in isolation of anyone...usually there's someone else to lead or speak so I did feel quite vulnerable , I tell a lie, for the first 15 minutes I had Elijah by my side...but after that just me myself and I and the amazing Anne who was my gopher with the microphone. We started the service with "be our guest" from beauty and the beast and went on from there !! I'm not saying the service was perfect or life changing but there were good comments afterwards and thought how great it is to be able to do my own thing in my style, so often I'm jumping into someone else's pattern. Where we are now though is on the cusp of developing something new. As a pioneer I have no building of my own but short the clergy in theirs but we are looking (we=me and Marc) at how we can develop something new without having A building....using our house, going outdoors, visiting cafes, pubs the cinema etc different ways of building community....it's an exciting, terrifying, anxious time ...we hope and pray that we can a place where people feel comfortable to come and go ...watch is space. The world has become very isolated and I feel it's vital that we get back that sense of community...looking out for and after each other, spending time with each other not just out of necessity or through work but do more socially together......anyone want to join us let us know 👍🏻
Sunday, 18 February 2018
Wastelands and wilderness
This has been a crazy mixed up week!!!
The first part of the week was really busy as we prepared for the start of Lent....holding a Pancake party and then an Ashing experience at our drop in cafe.. all really lovely events with lots of food for thought .
Having worked half the week Wednesday night we hot the road and took refuge for a couple of days down at my folks in Deal.
Most of you know my boys are high energy and so thrive being outside ..... we spent a day walking up and down the prom visiting Walter Castle and generally enjoying the great out doors and enjoying tree climbing Andy den building as well as playing on the beach and in the arcades!
the next we decided to jump on a train...purely because it's Elijah favourite thing in the world and visit Margate..originally because we had a thought that Marc and Dan may want to go to "Geek Fest" but as we approached the queues were massive and Daniel said it seemed too busy and scary so we carried on to the beach and to the turner Gallery.
I'm really interested in photography, art and sculpture t had seen an advert for "The Wasteland" and was intruiged..strangely enough so wasn't Dan (something to do with a certain head teacher mentioning the place I believe!!!)
The exhibition did not disappoint , the exhibits were fascinating , random, inspiring, intruiging and disturbing all in one; even Elijah was able to engage for a while and Daniel was just mesmerised !!!!
The thing that has stayed with me over the last few days since being home has been that Wasteland.... thinking too about the wilderness preparing for today's sermon that Jesus encountered in himself preparation for his ministry ....are wastelands always a "waste" or do they have a part to play? Can they be useful in certain situations and can they in their "emptiness " be a haven of space and natural
beauty.
For Jesus he needed the wilderness, to engage in the Wasteland to get clarity, clear his head, to fully converse with God his father. Are there times when we need to find solice, look for the beauty in the
places others dismiss , retreat to find ourselves?....
The natural beauty around us, the beauty others can depict in art and sculpture has definitely been awe inspiring !
This week also saw me walk the wilderness journey with dear friends as after 54 years of marriage they were separated by the evil that is cancer... this part of the job is so so tough you wouldn't believe, yet so much of a blessing, you hear the stories of youth, the tales and the slightly cheeky things people got up to but mostly you get to sit with people as they think and reflect how they have been touched by another human being. To be in the wilderness , walking the Wasteland journey alone is an experience but to encounter life and journey it with others, I feel, is the ultimate blessing !
The first part of the week was really busy as we prepared for the start of Lent....holding a Pancake party and then an Ashing experience at our drop in cafe.. all really lovely events with lots of food for thought .
Having worked half the week Wednesday night we hot the road and took refuge for a couple of days down at my folks in Deal.
Most of you know my boys are high energy and so thrive being outside ..... we spent a day walking up and down the prom visiting Walter Castle and generally enjoying the great out doors and enjoying tree climbing Andy den building as well as playing on the beach and in the arcades!
the next we decided to jump on a train...purely because it's Elijah favourite thing in the world and visit Margate..originally because we had a thought that Marc and Dan may want to go to "Geek Fest" but as we approached the queues were massive and Daniel said it seemed too busy and scary so we carried on to the beach and to the turner Gallery.
I'm really interested in photography, art and sculpture t had seen an advert for "The Wasteland" and was intruiged..strangely enough so wasn't Dan (something to do with a certain head teacher mentioning the place I believe!!!)
The exhibition did not disappoint , the exhibits were fascinating , random, inspiring, intruiging and disturbing all in one; even Elijah was able to engage for a while and Daniel was just mesmerised !!!!
The thing that has stayed with me over the last few days since being home has been that Wasteland.... thinking too about the wilderness preparing for today's sermon that Jesus encountered in himself preparation for his ministry ....are wastelands always a "waste" or do they have a part to play? Can they be useful in certain situations and can they in their "emptiness " be a haven of space and natural
beauty.
For Jesus he needed the wilderness, to engage in the Wasteland to get clarity, clear his head, to fully converse with God his father. Are there times when we need to find solice, look for the beauty in the
places others dismiss , retreat to find ourselves?....
The natural beauty around us, the beauty others can depict in art and sculpture has definitely been awe inspiring !
This week also saw me walk the wilderness journey with dear friends as after 54 years of marriage they were separated by the evil that is cancer... this part of the job is so so tough you wouldn't believe, yet so much of a blessing, you hear the stories of youth, the tales and the slightly cheeky things people got up to but mostly you get to sit with people as they think and reflect how they have been touched by another human being. To be in the wilderness , walking the Wasteland journey alone is an experience but to encounter life and journey it with others, I feel, is the ultimate blessing !
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