craving "normality"?

2 posts so close together ....therapy!
Marc and I caught up on an interview John Bishop did with Paddy McGuinness a while back....as well as talking about his life growing up in Bolton ( obvs I could relate to that ) he spoke about life with his 3 autistic children. One thing he said that really made the penny drop, left me with a light bulb moment , was craving the normal....seeing friend s doing normal things, taking their kids out for normal fun days out with ease and it being normal and fun!

Social media is a nightmare for this as you see people getting up to alsorts of awesome things at the weekends and during holidays and some days I just think....If only we could do that!
You see I've realised why I get so tired easily....every time we go out somewhere or especially to an event. E it work related, or socially I'm on edge, constantly wondering , how will the kids cope in this situation, what could be the triggers and how long can we stay before it gets too much .
This weekend has been exceptionally busy for Marc and I and a s aresult the kids, so today we had a "lazy" morning..I longed to go out and do something especially with Elijah as knew Dan needed his cave but not being able to drive or really walk far we stayed home and sorted toys and watched Postman Pat.
It has taken me many years to recognise that Dan and Marc need these lazy spaces, a chances to download , go into themselves and rest...I feel terrible that it's taken so long and I am still finding it hard but the result in being able to spend a few hours at a dear friends leaving party makes it worth while.
Whatever Sunday holds for you enjoy every moment ,
And  appreciate "the normal"

Belonging

It has been a strange old year...they say these things are sent to try us and they  certainly have and the last few weeks have really escalated !

However within this there have been real moments of blessing, Ive been to 5 Harvest assemblies, each different and each showing the huge gift of wanting to help those in need but also making me  feel like I belong there.

we've had our "fresh expression" groups meeting over breakfast and picnics and in those moments of sharing food I've felt like I'm in a place where I belong .

Ive spent two days on a training course, one that was engaging, was practical and made me think of so many situations in work and home where I could implement the teaching. Not only that but met some amazing council youth workers who wanted to connect and find ways of how we could work together...refreshing! In just 2 days I felt like I belong.

And yet theres the polar opposite, the times and places where you'd expect to belong, expect to feel welcome, expect to feel a part of something bigger...yet despite being in a group I feel so isolated and at times lonely.

It has really had me thinking...how many other people feel like this that we engage with, speak to, visit every single day? In this busy, crazy world that we live in we are so busy, so absorbed in the next thing that needs to be completed we miss what's going on around us...we miss living in the now!

So I'm trying to slow down a little, to appreciate the morning mist, the evening sun set, the new insights the kids suddenly come out with just at the moment I need to be elsewhere , I'm going to really stop and listen to the person at the school gate, in the supermarket queue, in Starbucks when waiting for my decaf soya latte!

And next time I rush past ( once off crutches!!!) or don't have time to answer that phone call or make space to pop over and see you...pull me up on it!!

Mrs Bump

well it was only a matter of time ... everyone who knows me has been expecting it and to be fair it has been an impressively long time since I last injured myself ; However having only had a visit from the paramedics 4 months ago it feels a little too soon to have had another visit from them last night !

After building up my self confidence for a second time to try and brave playing netball the last few weeks have been going pretty well, not only have we been playing relatively well but I've also been enjoying the game , getting to know our team better and feeling the benefits of getting regular excercise again (alongside park running too!)

Now all that has gone down the pan ! Nikki (team member ) and I both ended up fallen  over very badly and we ended up sat in A and E with matching injuries on opposite legs !! We were a real sight and caused a stir as to what kind of game we'd been involved in ! The upshot is I've managed to badly tear the ligaments on both sides of my foot . My foot is about 3 times the normal size and a beautiful shade of black and blue ... I tried to take photos but the colours haven't shown up . I'm now really frustrated .. I can't weight bare for the moment And I can't drive .. I'm  totally useless
But, yet again I've been blown away by where the kind thoughts and messages have come from .. dear family of course cos they rock ...and special  friends (you know who you are) little messages of support have really got me through today , visits have been lovely and the bottle of home made blackberry gin will definitely help the healing process !

Reflecting as I can't do much else has made me realise I'm getting old , I still don't bounce when I fall  and I'm rubbish at sitting still!
I expect my netball days are over ... last night I saw a very dark side to the game which I'm
Not sure I can be part of but I'm out of excercise until after Christmas so will review then .
For now it's excercising the 2 toes I can wiggle !!!

Ps if anyone has any film recommendations please send them my way!

September

Anyone who knows me even a little will know that I'm a "wear's her heart on her sleeve " kinda girl.....I just can't help it...I'd be rubbish at poker as I can't hide my emotions or feelings and it's got me into all sorts of situations. I also find it difficult to keep quiet about things I'm passionate about , whether it's my love for Jason Donovan, Tottenham Hotspur, Jesus or red wine , when I feel there's an injustice in the world, people have been treated wrongly or things need to change ...I will say!
I don't write statuses, tweets or blogs to get sympathy but because I need an outlet to stop me going internal,y crazy...

This blog is one of those....I never ever intend to offend but  will wear my heart on my sleeve....

I hate September.....many people say it's a throw back to back to school itus...but I loved school ( apart from 16-18) I just love summer and the freedom of the holidays so much going back to routine, darker nights, early mornings etc fills me with dread . This year I was excited though, I had a week of transition at a school to look forward to, a new group to meet together again and other things in the pipeline I'm involved in.....unfortunately they've come crashing down and at least 3 months of hard work feel gone to waste. I hate letting people down and tough it's not my choice this work won't happen the kids I'd been prepping will be expecting us in school and for them I'm gutted!

Last weekend we were in a field with 20,000 other spiritual explorers at the Greenbelt Festival...... we witnessed Pussy Riot, Simon Mayo, Martyn Joseph, Duke Special and the amazing Vicky Beeching.  What these amazing folk made me realise is again, how important it is to stand up for what you believe in, to make your voice heard above the noise of life, to follow your dreams and to be proud of who you are.
Yes life at the moment is immensely frustrating and I'm not sure where it's taking us but these last few weeks I've discovered true friendship , amazing family and a passion to help those who feel
voiceless in our communities......

Holidays

its been a strange few weeks preparing and getting ready for tomorrow and the weeks that follow.....the school summer holidays ! Dan yet again has been blessed with a wonderful teacher but this year he seems to have especially bonded with his teacher and she has been so supportive to us, and of course we've had weeks of anxiety as he worries about what September holds.
And tomorrow Elijah too says good bye to Hoo Saints..the place Dan also went to pre school as he embarks on a new adventure starting Nursery at Daniel's school making life practically much easier for us!!
This week as well as finishing the transition lessons I've also been privileged to attend some leavers assemblies....and the commonality in the, have been the importance of change.....if things don't change we get stuck in a rut, we don't grow or develop in any way and we deprive ourselves of further adventures. I remember adamantly aged 16 refusing to believe I had to leave my secondary school I loved it so much but of course I did and in fact moved half way acrosss the country too!!!

Tonight I face the challenge of changing netball teams....meeting new people and starting  again.....at 41 I still feel nervous...but at least I can share that with Dan that even us grown ups struggle with change .......

The holidays are always a challenge finding things to occupy the children whilst juggling work as well, visiting friends and family whilst trying to keep some sense of rest....holidays were created for us to recharge our batteries to experience a change in routine and to expose new surroundings.
It's even Biblical..God created the 7th day for rest!

So whether we are facing a change in routine as we become surrounded by little people for 6 weeks, whether we are facing change in place as we enjoy a break in the norm and holiday or wether life is plodding on... find those changes to allow rest.

Changes challenges and choices

it has been a funny old week that has left me feeling somewhat discombobulated!!
It's been a week of thinking about change going into schools talking to year 6 children about transitioning to year 7 thinking about changes, challenges and choices..... I've absolutely loved being back in the classroom and so far the response has been fantastic though having kids in one class take the mick out of my accent wasn't much fun!!
Change is all around us whether it's a change in school, job or circumstance....just last night we taught our final mission shaped ministry session....a ten year journey come to an end ..... happy to regain some space back in my diary but sad to say goodbye to working with s fab team and an awesome teaching companion and also to share the buzz of pioneering and mission with others ....last night was also a challenge as I found myself sharing a rather personal story from my childhood which my mum (who also taught the course) also continued filling in blanks I didn't remember .....a very powerful experience challenging me to contemplate where life has taken me thus far....
It hasn't also been a difficult week for me choices have been made out of my control and that can be difficult to deal with , at times I've felt 16 again not 41 and realise there's a lot of emotions and feelings I still carry around from those teenage angst days.
What this week has shown me is that I have some very dear friends....I may not see them or even speak to them every day (some I do and that's an added blessing) but when the chips are down they are there to send a message or call round to check I'm ok....
It's really important to have people around you people you can be open and honest with, people who challenge you and check up on you... I'm a very heart on my sleeve kinda girl (I never used to be!!!) what you see is what you get and for those who still love me after that.....I'm grateful !
I've been telling the year 6s the importance of choosing friends and keeping in touch with them.....I'm practising what I preach !

Silence is golden or a sign of something deeper?

so I'm painfully aware that I haven't blogged since my pneumonia....not that anyone has missed it but I've missed writing and that's the main thing I guess.
Silence in itself can be precious but it can also be a sign that things are not great.
The last 6 weeks have been rather busy ....positively we've had a house full of guests with the in laws visiting from Goa and also brining with them Vinny our very own Indian Chef, a great few weeks econnectiing with Marc s parents And spending some quality time together .
It's also been a busy time work wise (when is it not!!) but positively we've just enjoyed an awesome inter schools music concert which I had the pleasure of M.Cing on Thursday.....Daniel was in the choir and Marc has also been supporting the choir so lots of family involvement but seeing a church full (300 people!) and 3 different schools coming together was just a delight. It's amazing what can be achieved when we work with others rather against or in competition!

It's also been a busy time trying to help support my beautiful, creative, music loving, science adoring geeky son with his various conditions..... it's a subject where I don't want to embarrass him but also want other families and parents to know that they are not alone....when life isn't particularly difficult it can feel like every one else has life all sewn up, that life is perfect and fun filled..but shined closed does we are all dealing with our own difficulties.
Trying to nail a specific diagnosis (well several diagnoses) has been tricky but we are getting there .....slowly ...trying to cope alone is tough sharing with others, just off loading is literally a God send .

If life is throwing you lemons...chop them up into manageable slices....share the, around and let's help each other make lemonade....