Testing times

There are some things in life I just can not understand,there are some things that happen that just seem not to make sense and there are questions in my head that I will be asking the good Lord when we meet face to face.... why do we have mosquitoes and wasps? Why do men in my family have beautiful long eye lashes and I don't? why can't Daniel and. I digest cow's milk? But more importantly why do some people suffer more than others?

These last 9 days have been so emotionally draining with funerals and burying of ashes as well as visiting some really poorly people. It has got to the stage where even the grave diggers are asking what 's going on as they have been so busy in Frindsbury!
People often say to me it must be horrible doing Funerals, and of course it is terribly sad but it is also a real pleasure and a privilege to meet with people, to hear stories of their lives and to share in precious moments.
The longer I find myself here the more connected I become with others. Tomorrow I am blessed with a funeral for a family I did a wedding for just last year.

What I do find difficult though is seeing suffering and especially in those so young. Over the last few months I have been blessed to meet with someone who is terminally ill and that diagnoses escalated today and I was asked to do an emergency baptism in hospital. Seeing someone so desperate to be baptised, seeing friends and family torn in grief and seeing staff shocked at the sudden change in a person is heartbreaking. But this is the place we are put in, these are the situations entrusted to us and this is the reality everyday folk are facing day in day out. I just pray that the tiny part I have played this week in so many hurting lives will bring some comfort and some peace.

Endings and beginnings !

For many different reasons this has been an emotional week for me. Work has been particularly demanding but the main focus of my emotion has been with Daniel.

This week Daniel visited his school which he starts in September. Part of me is really excited for him and the other absolutely terrified, he's in a class with no one he yet knows ( his other friends all were put in the other class) and yet he seems quite content about the whole thing..he is definitely ready to go!

On the flip side of this Daniel leaves pre school tomorrow. We have had various things happening over this week to mark the occasion...personally Marc took him for a treat to the cinema to se How to train a dragon 2 on Tuesday. Wednesday the pre school leavers were taken to Bluewater for Burger King lunch and a Build  a Bear party which was such a wonderful sight to witness the group altogether excited and choosing their bear, names etc and then today they had their leavers presentation with so gas, bears, certificates, cards and cakes! Tomorrow all is left is the party and then  Daniel will no longer be part of the Little saint family.

It was a difficult decision 2 years ago what to do about pre school for Dan. We hadn't been in the area yet a year when we chose and all we could go on were the Ofsted  reports and how it felt to us visiting. I have to say I feel the right choice was made, the staff have been so wonderful with Daniel, they are caring and kind and generally lovely people. Daniel's confidence has soured from a shy and timid wall flower to a child who went off today with his friends making everyone laugh and cried when he had to come home. Thankfully Ofsted again have acknowledged how good the pre school is but we too have found it a real blessing and will miss our morning drop offs in Hoo.

Tomorrow work intervenes again so I can't collect Daniel for his last day for which I am sad...but I would probably be an emotional wreck ...so will leave the tears to Marc instead :)

Quality Time

It has been a very strange week, Marc is away on a lay pioneer training residential course so I am home alone juggling work and Daniel..my folks as always have been fab but it is still a strain...I absolutely hate being home alone...I have never actually lived alone and therefore do not like being alone...obviously I have Dan here but that kind of makes it worse as every noise and creak makes me anxious! ( maybe something to do with the last time I recall being left home alone we were burgled!)

With still having work to juggle and Dan I made a promise to him that today after pre school we would do something together that was a bit different to the norm..his choice..Go to see the secret war tunnels at Dover Castle!
I desperately tried to dissuade him from the idea as its a bit of a drive but it was all he wanted  to do so this afternoon we trekked down the A2 to Dover.
Despite a hot sticky car journey we had a lovely afternoon, it was pretty quiet and so we had the chance to see everything again  ( we have been several times before!) The secret tunnels were a gamble though as they are very dark and loud and once you are in there is no getting out until the tour is over. First off he chose the hospital tunnels and he struggled with the loudness of the mock bombs and the flickering lights but impressed the guide by choosing to walk up the huge spiral staircase rather than take the lift! (stubborn like his mum!) After a look around the castle and the grounds we decided to brave the rest of the tunnels which was a much longer tour...after the initial anxiety he was engrossed...he was constantly asking questions about how and why the war started, which were the good soldiers and which were the ones trying to hurt us and was fascinated by the Dunkirk landings.
Daniel is fascinated by castles and the history behind them already at 4 and it was so lovely to see the concern and passion in his face and the eagerness to know more.

Not that long ago on days like today I would have spent the afternoon feeling totally guilty, worrying about al the things I should be doing I haven't, stressing about the late night that will be needed to catch up and feeling generally anxious about what people will think about me sneaking off on a work day! But today I felt elated, happy to have the chance to spend some quality time with Dan doing something a little bit special that he truly loved and also very aware that in a matter of weeks afternoons like this just wont be possible as school will have taken over.

So tonight I am cramming in pastoral calls, sermons and 101 0ther things and tomorrow we are back in the madness of parish life but this afternoon we made special memories and I don't feel guilty one little bit :)

Car Boot

Yesterday saw the start of the car boot sales on our side of the river. The plan was that we would have a presence every Sunday offering various things that would be available for people to explore Christian Spirituality in a non confrontational way. The problem we have is that the dates have suddenly changed well after the rotas have been prepared and obviously with having no vicar my availability was planned in so now the dates have changed its  now not possible for me to be there as much as I would have liked.

Anyway, yesterday I was able to go and set up the stall, stay for a few hours and then walk on to preach and baptise a few babies!!!

In my experience last year we found that the first few hours were relatively quiet with the real hard core bargain hunters out and about, and those more casual lookers willing to stop and chat would come later. However yesterday was totally different, by 7.10 am we had already had 4 very deep conversations and they kept on coming, we had a constant flow of people all the way until I left and then up until the fair started to close up.

Despite having to get up ridiculously early and be out the door for 5.45 am, despite trying to fit the fair in with the service also on my mind and despite feeling exhausted from a busy Saturday of Kidschurch and  a Wedding I came home yesterday afternoon absolutely buzzing. Yet again it had been an eye opener, to see so many people want to stop an talk, agnostics, atheists, those not sure what they are but wanting to chat and ask for prayer was awesome. Seeing so many people wonder why we were there offering things for free again was a great opportunity to show our love for the community.

I feel totally gutted that I cant be at the car boot every week but I am blessed that there is an awesome team of people who can see the need and have caught the vision and so will be there week in week out.... whatever I may say I can NEVER say my job is dull or boring.

Summer

As I sit and write this the patio doors are open wide, the flies are buzzing around, the sun is shining through and the hay fever is streaming away! Summer is definitely here…at least for the time being.

This week Dan and I went on a regular afternoon out to Rochester, as we walked past the cathedral we met a group of Buddhist monks  visiting the area. How did I know this…they were dressed in their familiar orange robes. In the hot sun the robes looked wonderful and cooling. As we went on our way we realised the monks were too following us up to Rochester castle and as we went into the castle gardens the reactions of the people there were fascinating, we heard comments such as,

“ wow is that a monk?”, “ A monk, I didn’t know they really existed!”, “What’s a monk doing here?” and “ Gosh that monk is talking on an iphone, should monks have iphones?”

Those comments made me think about how we react to things that are out of the ordinary, things that are not in our usual life experience, how we react when things we may have read about or seen only on the television suddenly meet us face to face; Do we embrace them? Are we embarrassed by them? Or are we just really curious?

When we were recently on holiday visiting relatives in Goa we had the experience of locals constantly wanting to talk to us and take our photos because we were different, the novelty soon wore off but as humans we are intrigued by difference.

So as the sun , hopefully continues to shine as we see visitors coming to our land or as we travel to another land may we truly embrace all things different, and if we are unsure of something be brave enough to ask.  The summer is often a time when we travel or encounter those from other places…enjoy the sun if you have it and the variety it brings out .

Happy summer x

The ups and downs of ministry

Its been one of those days! A day when life feels like an emotional rollercoaster. Today I have experienced the ultimate highs and the lowest of lows..it's all part of the job but it doesn't make it any easier.

This morning I had the joy of taking a school assembly for a headteacher who I used to work with. It is always a delight to meet up again with those who you have known before to see how they are getting on and to also share memories and experiences.

And then this afternoon I was blessed with the real humbling experience and privilege of taking the funeral service of the mum of a dear friend and church member. Conducting funerals are always an honour, to be with people when they are grieving, to sit alongside people when they are working through life and contemplating what's going on. It is even more a privilege when you are asked to lead a service for people you know... to meet family, to share a life lived and to try and support them through this difficult day.

Watching families interacting together, reminiscing memories and sharing experiences is a real gem, it is a true pleasure to be a part of; however it does also make me realise how lonely this job can be, many family members live far away, friends too are no longer near by, making friends near by is hard when you live and work so close to home and are part of the deepest part of peoples lives.

I very much love this job but it aint half emotional at times!

the long and windy road

This month sees the celebration of 20 years since women were first permitted to be priests in the Church of England. Last weekend my mum had the privilege of going up to St. Paul's Cathedral to be part of a national celebration of such a momentious occasion; (pictures can be found following the link:)

https://www.flickr.com/photos/stpaulslondon/14121112104/in/photostream/

This has been a long and windy road because I recall sitting and watching mum left behind in a congregation whilst her male counterparts were ordained priest years before, I recall the abuse hurled at her from people who felt it was not of God that women should be in leadership and I cried with joy when the General Synod voted in favour thinking that was the last we had heard of any such discrimination. I am all for people having their own opinions and those differing to me but the hurt comes when the views are shared in a hurtful and cruel manner.

So 20 years have now passed, we see women in high levels of leadership but still not yet as bishops, we are still debating the ability and scriptualness the theology and the possibility of women bishops. At grass routes level life is still difficult, we are still faced with discrimination and hurt, with jokes and jibes and that saddens me, but we also face the joys, the privilege of serving an all loving God, of being their at the heart of the community of trying to bring the spiritual and the earthly together, to try and give hope in hopless situations.

My journey in the priesthood has really only just begun and if I can be half the priest my mum and dad have been/ are then I will be a happy woman!

If you can bare to read some of my back story then the Rochester Link have been crazy enough to print it alongside some really inspirational stories.

http://www.rochester.anglican.org/phocadownload/Rochester%20Link%20May.pdf