this week has been long ...and it's still only Wednesday , however it has been awesome ! We've seen 3 of our 4 schools bringing children to experience the Easter story through story, craft and deep reflection that you would not believe in 7 year olds! We've laughed together, needed together and shared cake together... I've talked so much I've pretty much lost my voice ( though that could be as a result of an awesome concert in Sunday ..but that's another story!) yet still the day went on, we had the privilege of doing assembly at Dan's school again thinking about the wonder of Easter. And yet again it was amazing to hear responses from kids so small of what happens in different parts of the story (even when no response was asked for..you've got a love kids!) and my own son even came home saying he'd actually learnt something new about the Easter story...result !
And so with little to no voice, a full on cold and sore chest, a 4 day marathon in front of me tonight I just wanted to curl up under the duvet...but a wise woman at church said today "I was reminded of Jesus speaking to the disciples when they fell asleep saying to them could you not even stay awake for me" so in my tiredness we shared evening prayer just a handful of us in a dim light church in front of the cross.. A chance to reflect a chance to pray for our broken world and those suffering in it and a chance to be. I'm still exhausted but emotionally feel ready to take on the Easter journey....
For you I pray that whatever this extra long weekend holds you will be totally blessed and know that you are loved xxxx
Wednesday, 23 March 2016
Thursday, 17 March 2016
Hi ho hi ho
so its day 4 of being back to work and in some ways it feels like I've never been away...its been a pretty crazy baptism of fire but thankfully today is meeting light and I'm managing to catch up on a load of admin, do some shopping for air cadets and catch my breath.
It feels very strange at the moment, almost a bit sereal, I flip from enjoying being back into a routine and I do love my job, to feeling absolutely guilty as anything leaving Elijah at such a young age.
At the moment a rhythm of life hasn't formed, it's still very early days where Elijah is still being breast fed (though thankfully not as much and he will now take milk from a cup or bottle!) but I'm praying that over the next few weeks we will find a rhythm that suits us all.
The great thing about being a pioneer is that the job has the potential to be very flexible allowing me to work from home, be in the community and pop Home if needed. How those of you who have more rigid 9-5 style jobs cope I have no idea, my hat goes of to you !
So as I sit and prepare for my first Sunday back, for experience Easter with the schools coming in, for my return to air cadet teaching....I'm excited especially as it's my favourite celebration of all Easter but be warned I'm sleep deprived so apologise of any mistakes are made...I'm a little rusty
It feels very strange at the moment, almost a bit sereal, I flip from enjoying being back into a routine and I do love my job, to feeling absolutely guilty as anything leaving Elijah at such a young age.
At the moment a rhythm of life hasn't formed, it's still very early days where Elijah is still being breast fed (though thankfully not as much and he will now take milk from a cup or bottle!) but I'm praying that over the next few weeks we will find a rhythm that suits us all.
The great thing about being a pioneer is that the job has the potential to be very flexible allowing me to work from home, be in the community and pop Home if needed. How those of you who have more rigid 9-5 style jobs cope I have no idea, my hat goes of to you !
So as I sit and prepare for my first Sunday back, for experience Easter with the schools coming in, for my return to air cadet teaching....I'm excited especially as it's my favourite celebration of all Easter but be warned I'm sleep deprived so apologise of any mistakes are made...I'm a little rusty
Sunday, 21 February 2016
rough day
Today was horrid! I had flash backs to when Daniel was a baby and admitted to hospital with asthma and a vision of what it must have been like for my parents with me as a child. Elijah has bronchilitus and is struggling to sleep, eat and at times breathe, it makes him very vulnerable as well as very grumpy!
Today I spent in the hands of the NHS in various forms and witnessed the pressure these doctors and nurses are under. One dr was continually called out of a consultation and asked to do a 24 hour shift due to a lack of staff..how can that be good for her or her patients . Whilst at the hospital I also felt very vulnerable and isolated , there was nowhere to get a drink without leaving the ward in search of a shop and I obviously couldn't leave Elijah, there was no cot to safely lie him in so I didn't have a toilet break for over 6 hours and people just don't have the time to chat to you . I am thankful for my mobile phone and those I managed to get quick arrow messages to for company but frustrated that my battery had 15% on it for some time and so ahd to limit even that communication.
Having missed most of my dad's Caribbean birthday meal celebration I managed to get there for the end of the meal a lovely array of goodies created by mum and had a sneaky swig of some much needed rum punch!
Tonight I lie , with Elijah in his cot next to me , praying he sleeps for more than an hour or two to give him the respite he needs but just in case have sent marc to the spare room so at least one of us may get a decent rest ...the joy of being a parent....its mightily you at times !
Today I spent in the hands of the NHS in various forms and witnessed the pressure these doctors and nurses are under. One dr was continually called out of a consultation and asked to do a 24 hour shift due to a lack of staff..how can that be good for her or her patients . Whilst at the hospital I also felt very vulnerable and isolated , there was nowhere to get a drink without leaving the ward in search of a shop and I obviously couldn't leave Elijah, there was no cot to safely lie him in so I didn't have a toilet break for over 6 hours and people just don't have the time to chat to you . I am thankful for my mobile phone and those I managed to get quick arrow messages to for company but frustrated that my battery had 15% on it for some time and so ahd to limit even that communication.
Having missed most of my dad's Caribbean birthday meal celebration I managed to get there for the end of the meal a lovely array of goodies created by mum and had a sneaky swig of some much needed rum punch!
Tonight I lie , with Elijah in his cot next to me , praying he sleeps for more than an hour or two to give him the respite he needs but just in case have sent marc to the spare room so at least one of us may get a decent rest ...the joy of being a parent....its mightily you at times !
Monday, 1 February 2016
I can cook!
This past week I've effectively been a single parent as Marc as been in Lancaster celebrating our nephew's 18th birthday (gosh I feel old!)
It has been a strange time being on my own, initially I was terrified and in Daniels words "what will we eat, Daddy does ALL the cooking!" And i also am not very good in my own company !
After a disastrous start on Friday when I spoke to hardly anyone apart from at the school gate until dear friends popped over to watch a film the time has flown by; but best of all I've discovered I'm not that bad at cooking ... My 2 boys have eaten everything I've produced which is miraculous for Daniel at least and also we haven't had to utilise any fast food chains!
I also discovered I have the gift of the gab chatting to anyone at the wedding fair in Bluewater and even trialling the new table talk weddings game with a group of excitable hens!
What has been hard is the evenings when the boys have gone to bed the sheer quietness becomes eerie and the novelty of choosing what to watch on TV soon wears off .
Working with the bereaved I now understand what they mean when they say they struggle when the door closes in the evening. Those who are single parents obviously have this all the time and my hat goes off to you managing to juggle and co ordinate school runs meal times mountains of washing the list is endless .
My time alone will end late tonight but I want to keep on learning to cook not all the time but definitely more regularly and I also want to thank those family and friends who made the effort to check in on me . As a tutor once said I'm actually a shy extrovert I need people !
It has been a strange time being on my own, initially I was terrified and in Daniels words "what will we eat, Daddy does ALL the cooking!" And i also am not very good in my own company !
After a disastrous start on Friday when I spoke to hardly anyone apart from at the school gate until dear friends popped over to watch a film the time has flown by; but best of all I've discovered I'm not that bad at cooking ... My 2 boys have eaten everything I've produced which is miraculous for Daniel at least and also we haven't had to utilise any fast food chains!
I also discovered I have the gift of the gab chatting to anyone at the wedding fair in Bluewater and even trialling the new table talk weddings game with a group of excitable hens!
What has been hard is the evenings when the boys have gone to bed the sheer quietness becomes eerie and the novelty of choosing what to watch on TV soon wears off .
Working with the bereaved I now understand what they mean when they say they struggle when the door closes in the evening. Those who are single parents obviously have this all the time and my hat goes off to you managing to juggle and co ordinate school runs meal times mountains of washing the list is endless .
My time alone will end late tonight but I want to keep on learning to cook not all the time but definitely more regularly and I also want to thank those family and friends who made the effort to check in on me . As a tutor once said I'm actually a shy extrovert I need people !
Friday, 25 December 2015
Christmas with a difference part 2
well Christmas Day has nearly ended but as I reminded Dan who felt a little,sad at bedtime, Christmas is 12 days and this is just the beginning!
Today has been very different,mImwas cooked breakfast without having to rush out, Daniel was able to take time opening his pressies and enjoy each one. We were able to head over to mum and dads and greet them at the cathedral as they finished their service ( Dan in full Indiana Jones costume including whip!!!). We had a relaxed buffet style lunch including Spanish tapas starters and again took time opening pressies and just enjoying each other's company.
It has also been different though because dear friends and family haven't had such a great day, one of my best friends grab was rushed to hospital this morning following a stroke, my uncles wife Is awaiting an operation tomorrow morning following a collapsed lung leaving my 12 year old cousin without his mum and my sister in law has spent Christmas Day bailing out her kitchen which again has been flooded in Lancaster!
Today again has made me really grateful for life, for the wonderful family I'm blessed with with all our quirks....for the dear friends who have texted and taken time out to wish us a Merry Christmas and for a faith and hope in something that is much greater than any physical present I could have been brought ...
Tonight I shall be praying for those who are poorly, those flooded and those lonely....Merry Christmas wonderful wonderful people xxx
Today has been very different,mImwas cooked breakfast without having to rush out, Daniel was able to take time opening his pressies and enjoy each one. We were able to head over to mum and dads and greet them at the cathedral as they finished their service ( Dan in full Indiana Jones costume including whip!!!). We had a relaxed buffet style lunch including Spanish tapas starters and again took time opening pressies and just enjoying each other's company.
It has also been different though because dear friends and family haven't had such a great day, one of my best friends grab was rushed to hospital this morning following a stroke, my uncles wife Is awaiting an operation tomorrow morning following a collapsed lung leaving my 12 year old cousin without his mum and my sister in law has spent Christmas Day bailing out her kitchen which again has been flooded in Lancaster!
Today again has made me really grateful for life, for the wonderful family I'm blessed with with all our quirks....for the dear friends who have texted and taken time out to wish us a Merry Christmas and for a faith and hope in something that is much greater than any physical present I could have been brought ...
Tonight I shall be praying for those who are poorly, those flooded and those lonely....Merry Christmas wonderful wonderful people xxx
Wednesday, 23 December 2015
Christmas with a difference
for the first time in our married life I have failed to write a Christmas newsletter in a year when time has been on my side! The reason has been that a) social media is such that the world and his dog know exactly what's been happening to us over this year and secondly many friends have had a really rough year and it can be hard to tactfully tell people news knowing they are in pain.
So an alternative newsletter would say this year has been hard work to start working and being pregnant was a struggle and although I remained healthy I struggled near the end to maintain the pace. The second half of the year was a mix of pure blessing and pure exhaustion, forgetting the wonder and awe a new life brings as well as forgetting the agony of sleep depravation!
The year has though been amazing in bringing new friends into our life and having the opportunity to spend more precious time with old friends due to being on maternity leave. Just having the time to sit and have a coffee, go to the cinema (nebiews baby safe of course!) or popping out for lunch has truly been a blessing.
As another Christmas hits us square on I'm in a strange place, tomorrow I shall do Upnor crib and that will be it for my Christmas services, last week I had the real joy of leading Dan s school Christingles and carol service which was amazing ( I so would love to be a school chaplain!!!) but tomorrow evening and Christmas morning for one time only I get to be a mummy, to put my boys to bed, to wake up and to spend quality time lounging around in our p j s enjoying the gifts that I'm sure will come for we have been very good!!! Though I am looking forward to this I shall miss the midnight service (Marc is going to Hoo in my place as usually he's left at home!) and will miss the mad rush of Christmas morning services for though the pressies will be lovely the true reason for the gifts is the birth of JC. I'm not sure what we will do Christmas morning but the family have asked if we can have "Jesus bread " at home together so that's what we will do.
Next year contains a lot of uncertainty for us and our future but we hope and pray that it will be a year of blessing of peace and some more sleep would be nice!
Merry Christmas lovely friends and family xxxx
So an alternative newsletter would say this year has been hard work to start working and being pregnant was a struggle and although I remained healthy I struggled near the end to maintain the pace. The second half of the year was a mix of pure blessing and pure exhaustion, forgetting the wonder and awe a new life brings as well as forgetting the agony of sleep depravation!
The year has though been amazing in bringing new friends into our life and having the opportunity to spend more precious time with old friends due to being on maternity leave. Just having the time to sit and have a coffee, go to the cinema (nebiews baby safe of course!) or popping out for lunch has truly been a blessing.
As another Christmas hits us square on I'm in a strange place, tomorrow I shall do Upnor crib and that will be it for my Christmas services, last week I had the real joy of leading Dan s school Christingles and carol service which was amazing ( I so would love to be a school chaplain!!!) but tomorrow evening and Christmas morning for one time only I get to be a mummy, to put my boys to bed, to wake up and to spend quality time lounging around in our p j s enjoying the gifts that I'm sure will come for we have been very good!!! Though I am looking forward to this I shall miss the midnight service (Marc is going to Hoo in my place as usually he's left at home!) and will miss the mad rush of Christmas morning services for though the pressies will be lovely the true reason for the gifts is the birth of JC. I'm not sure what we will do Christmas morning but the family have asked if we can have "Jesus bread " at home together so that's what we will do.
Next year contains a lot of uncertainty for us and our future but we hope and pray that it will be a year of blessing of peace and some more sleep would be nice!
Merry Christmas lovely friends and family xxxx
Saturday, 21 November 2015
Belonging
It's Saturday night..Marc is out playing at gig number 2 of his weekend and again I'm left pondering;
its a very strange place the land of maternity leave....just before I entered it I was absolutely dreading it, how would I cope and survive without work so many relationships are tied up in my job especially when you move around so much and what would I do with the time I had apart from look after a child??
Then within days of Elijah s arrival it felt like I d never want to go back to work, I was content, life was exhausting but satisfying and I embraced the time with open arms ...
It's been 6 months now and over the past few weeks I've done a few bits of work...a dearly loved lady s funeral, met our new vicar, a few bits for Dan s school and had the sanity of our drop in cafe at Upnor and cafe church at taggs to keep me going which has been great.
However I can't help but feel very much on the peripheral of every group, I don't fully fit here or there as I'm in between places...I'm not a stay at home mummy but I'm not a working mummy atm either. I cant engage fully in tasks because I have to be around to physically feed Elijah ( little tyke still won't take a bottle!) I have time on my hands yet it's in 2 hour blocks ( feeding clock)
There is so much I'm very keen to engage in but the timing just isn't right at the moment....things for the future or just feelings of missed opportunities I'm not sure yet, what I am sure of is the gratitude I feel for the dear friends old and new I have who are on this journey with me those I can moan with, share fatigue and sleep deprivation with and those who know what it's like to be awake at ridiculous o clock .ladies I thank you for being there morning noon and night.
its a very strange place the land of maternity leave....just before I entered it I was absolutely dreading it, how would I cope and survive without work so many relationships are tied up in my job especially when you move around so much and what would I do with the time I had apart from look after a child??
Then within days of Elijah s arrival it felt like I d never want to go back to work, I was content, life was exhausting but satisfying and I embraced the time with open arms ...
It's been 6 months now and over the past few weeks I've done a few bits of work...a dearly loved lady s funeral, met our new vicar, a few bits for Dan s school and had the sanity of our drop in cafe at Upnor and cafe church at taggs to keep me going which has been great.
However I can't help but feel very much on the peripheral of every group, I don't fully fit here or there as I'm in between places...I'm not a stay at home mummy but I'm not a working mummy atm either. I cant engage fully in tasks because I have to be around to physically feed Elijah ( little tyke still won't take a bottle!) I have time on my hands yet it's in 2 hour blocks ( feeding clock)
There is so much I'm very keen to engage in but the timing just isn't right at the moment....things for the future or just feelings of missed opportunities I'm not sure yet, what I am sure of is the gratitude I feel for the dear friends old and new I have who are on this journey with me those I can moan with, share fatigue and sleep deprivation with and those who know what it's like to be awake at ridiculous o clock .ladies I thank you for being there morning noon and night.
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