ups and downs

Today has been a real day of ups and downs, highs and lows...

This morning I had the joy of going to St Francis church in Strood ( one of our cluster churches) and Preach, preside and baptise a beautiful baby girl. The atmosphere there is always so welcoming and people are so encouraging...and a brucie bonus..it was warm!! During the service the churchwarden produced a card and gift for me to wish me well in my maternity as I wont be going there in my official capacity again on a Sunday morning until after the baby is born. This was such a surprise I was bowled over and felt ever so emotional at the thought and care that had led to that moment... I didn't even know you could get "You're leaving to be a mummy" cards!!! :)

This afternoon we then had our monthly Sunday@4 event which is a bit like messy church mixed with an all age worship experience,,, some craft, games/activities a story and talk, music and food. I love doing this type of thing you never know who is going to come along and its pretty chilled out too. However, unfortunately the last few we have had have only seen the core team and Daniel in attendance. A lot of work goes into these events making sure there's food, craft activities, tech stuff read etc and so when no one else turns up it is disappointing and frustrating.
Time and again I hear people say, "The church doesn't do anything for families", "If only there was something for the children ..", we listened to those statements, we tried something and it hasn't worked, so with great sadness it is looking like Sunday@4 will be no more. I hate seeing things fail but I guess part of being a pioneer is trying new things out and knowing when to move on if something isn't working. Over the next few weeks we will be praying and contemplating what we can do.

So after a strange old emotional weekend I continue to give thanks for the blessings that surround us and learn to let go of the things that are just not meant to be.

Emotions

Tonight I feel a bag of emotions... Not that unusual for me to be emotional and especially not when pregnant but tonight it's especially heightened.
This week has been tough already, two wonderful members of our church family plus a family friend are really struggling with cancer, I've visited the 2 that live here, one being in the hospice and the reality of life and death is raw...put on top of that funeral services that keep coming and the contrasting baby kicking inside and a son who took Forever to go to sleep, my emotions are all over the place.

This job is awesome...it's a real blessing to walk and sit alongside people in their joyous times and also in their darkest times but weeks like this do make you sit up and take notice of your own life..and it's exhausting!

So as we come half way through the week my challenge to myself for the rest of the week is to feel thankful for each and every moment I have, even when my son is driving me to distraction with insomnia, when the sound of the guitar is buzzing LOUDLY in my ears and when I am just too tired to paste on a smile I will give thanks for what I have and enjoy every moment of life...for life is precious.

Making its presence known!

Over the last few days we have been trying to work out when is best for me to begin my maternity leave....it may sound like a really trivial thing but we've tried to look at how late it physically will be possible to leave it to ensure I get the most amount of time with our new edition yet also being aware that tiredness and being huge will take it's toll, on top of that though there is also the issue of the parish still being without a vicar and wanting to make sure everything will be covered for the time between a new vicar coming and me returning to work.

We have finally settled on no date purely because the legal time to inform my employers has arrived and now it's made I'm feel alsorts of feelings...it makes the thought of the future changes real, it makes me think about what it will be like being away from everything and many folk we care about for 9 months and it feels exciting to have this space albeit a busy time to spend as a family and it also makes the idea of a new edition even more real.
Our little thumper has really been making it's presence known to us by kicking during the night but also having a knack of kicking at inappropriate moments...especially during funeral services!

As uncomfortable as the kicking and constant toilet trips can be it does remind me again how blessed we are to be in this position and every day I'm grateful for that.

Privilege

After a relatively light Sunday last week today is a bit crazy with 4 very different services, 3 completed this morning and an all age family celebration this afternoon.
Last night and this morning I felt exhausted at the thought of the day ahead and wondered how I would survive.
Each service celebrated Candlemas and it was a real joy to celebrate and hear different responses to the special moment Jesus was presented at the temple just 40 days old....dear old Simeona nd Anna already recognising the significance of this new baby, especially hearing a lady preach her very first sermon amazingly well. ( may be out of a job soon 😛)

And as I stood to preside over the bread and wine I suddenly felt so humbled to be there, so privileged to be in the job, in the place I am and so blessed. We are not a huge church numerically but we are so blessed with gifted people who are so willing to serve this parish to help those around them and are faithful.

As I came home exhausted but happy I was met by my boys playing on their scooters with the neighbours giggling up and down the road and now Dan is playing with one of the boys on the Wii..the sound of light savers vibrating around the house....yes today it's a privilege to be here and I truly am blessed.

Time

I'm over half way now in this pregnancy and still awaiting the energy, glow and vitality to kick in! With Dan after a horrid 16 weeks I suddenly felt the best I had ever really felt, this time the sickness seems to come and go, but more often come and tiredness is off the scale! I do keep getting reminded that this time round I have a full time job to do and a 4 year old to deal with!

Today, feeling sickly  and tired I had the joy of  being with people from both ends of the generations, spending time with some toddlers and their lovely mummies, and then this afternoon sharing a communion service at Montgomery Court sheltered accommodation. All day has been a pleasure spending time in the community with people sharing their lives and just being.

Over the last few weeks we've been thinking about maternity leave and as well as being excited I've also been anxious about the things I will miss from work...hanging out with people whether at cafe church eating bacon butties and exploring life, toddler groups drinking tea and sharing stories or communion with the older generation . However I will also get a chance to "BE"a bit more, time to sit and drink tea with folk without having to run off to the next appointment , time to go and enjoy being at groups as a mummy and not just part of the team organising it and hopefully time to catch up with friends.

The next few months will involve a lot of changes in our life, things will not be the same and I'm only too aware how hard it will be at times... But I see it as an opportunity, an opportunity to further enjoy our community an opportunity to further develop friendships and an opportunity to reflect on life now and for the future....

So when I'm wide awake in months to come or tired with total exhaustion remind me ..this is an opportunity we've been blessed with and to grab it and embrace it with all we've got!

Christmas hype

Well today is the 12th night of Christmas....a day when technically the decorations come down and some form of normality resumes..though if you switch on the TV, radio or walk into a shop Christmas  has long since gone!
It saddens me really, the poor wise men have still yet to appear in the Nativity and Christmas has been forgotten... ( though not in our house we still have a few gifts to open and the lights are shining brightly til this evening!)
As I clear missions of emails and Facebook notifications it breaks my heart to see so many folk depressed about going back to work after an extended break..it's usual to struggle with "normality" whatever that this, but should it make us feel so down?

This Christmas has been very strange for us...the build up as with everyone started a while ago with so many carol services, carol singing and school,performances to attend but those precious moments were awesome and topped off with 5 amazing but very diverse services covering all ages from Christmas Eve into Christmas Day. I really felt the sense of the true meaning of Christmas and encountered special moments of a young 9 year old singing Once in royal on her own, our newly formed choir singing like a candle flame in the semi darkness ( my son 1 of them) and a stranger wandering into midnight mass having never entered a church before but had been drawn by the tower light...truly amazing!

Unfortunately things went down hill from there with the majority of our family coming down with severe chest infections..although this felt disappointing at the time, it did put into perspective what Christmas is all about, I've jot been able to drink alcohol or eat much food, pressies were small but beautifully defined, yet the true meaning stood out even more.

So this new year after a few days relaxing up north I've had to time to be thankful...thankful that I've had time with loved ones, I've a job to come back to yesterday and a safe place to sleep ( when the coughing stops!!!)

I pray this year is a real time of blessings..even in places you don't expect.

Beginnings

It has been a really challenging 14 weeks...there has been the challenge of the marathon, the many harvest festivals with cauliflowers coming out of our ears! We've had rememebrance services and memorials , we've had Christmas fairs and diocesan training plus funerals, baptisms a wedding and hundreds of services....not necessarily challenging in itself but it is when you discover you are pregnant!

At the beginning of September we discovered there may be a chance that I was pregnant though had given up hope of having any more children ....Marc and I were excited but then had to hide that excitement until the magic 12 week scan. That is why it has been a challenging 14 weeks ...trying to do all the joys of work with the joys of morning sickness (whoever named it that was having a laugh!) but also pretending that everything is ok has been the hardest thing I've ever had to do..I hate not being honest with people and it really felt that we weren't being honest.
The one amazing saving grace was that my best friend and his wife also found out the were having a baby...a day apart from us...not only a delight and a joy but a confidant and someone to empathise with.

It is still early days yet and we have a long way to go. The next few months and even years will be a challenge... Coping with work, being pregnant preparing for the future but it will also be immensely exciting ...what the future holds who knows but things will never be the same ! We feel blessed to again have been blessed with this opportunity and we feel so very grateful.