Rollercoaster

 One of the last days out I had was to Thorpe Park ... I absolutely love rollercoasters ... the kids hate such things so I don’t often get the privilege but I have wonderful friends and a cracking niece who do so I’m Living in hope that one day we will get back there again. Rollercoasters are strange aren’t they .. you queue for ages and in a matter of moments the excitement and thrill is over ... and you go back to do it all again .... there’s the ups and downs the loops and turns being thrown hither and tither ! 

This week I had a dream I was on a rollercoaster with 2 friends and newly retired teachers from the boys school !!! It was very serial but wonderful for the time I was dreaming . And then I woke up and the week has continued in that vain .. like a constant rollercoaster .. there have been so many ups and downs and twists in this house this week you couldn’t make it up .. it’s certainly kept us on our toes !  

The amazing thing though about it is that not once , not twice , but 5 times .. just at the right moment I received a call or an email that uplifted me... 5 times !!!!! And these were from People not close to me knowing my week but folk who felt prompted for whatever reason to touch base ... just at the right time . .. to those if you read this I thank you from the bottom of my heart for being thè up part of my rollercoaster week. 

It can feel like there’s soooo little we CAN do during lockdown to help or support each other but it’s often the little simple things that make the difference . If you feel prompted to text or call someone .. whether that’s in a dream or a passing thought do it .. it could just be the thing they need this week ..

Please take care of yourselves and each other xxx

New Year

 I’ve been dreading today more than Christmas not sure why but the culmination of all that has gone into 2020 has hit hard ! As I sit fireworks are going off all Around us people determined in the safety of their own homes to keep tradition going and celebrate .

Maybe it’s a good riddance or a symbol of hope for a better tomorrow ?

There’s no denying that this year has been crappy so much has been lost ... relationships , friendships , jobs and businesses and ultimately lives ! It’s hard to celebrate a year with such pain ... 

however a friend made me stop and think today ... surely in the midst of all that has happened there must be some positives to come out of 2020? I’ve been wracking my brain struggling to find any .. and then after uploading this weekends talk, I saw my talk about light shining in the darknessfrom a previous week  .... even in the darkest places the light shines 

So where has the light shone this year ?

For me it’s been In places I didn’t always expect .. in the colleagues and head teachers taking time in their busyness to keep in touch , it’s in the grieving widows checking in and offering help , it’s in the food hampers made by people in need themselves but wanting to still help , it’s in extra time spent with children when they should’ve been at school (not gonna lie it’s blooming tough home Ed but we had some fun too!) it’s in teaching via zoom how to use zoom , online quizzes and sing alongs, in phone calls and texts, whatsapp groups and more zooms . It’s on the door step clapping appreciation for our  key workers often those over looked previously . It’s discovering that excercise can be fun when you’ve got Joe Wicks by your side . It’s in discovering new or hidden talents and using those to start new ventures or businesses and it’s in the memories .. the memories that we once loved , we once hugged , we once sat and drank endless cups of coffee and we didn’t appreciate it .. but now we do !

So if you are feeling a little low as I am tonight try and find that light in the darkness ... I promise it’s there even if it’s a tiny spark ! 

God bless , keep safe and praying for those of us who are finding today tough x 

COVID-19

 This has been so difficult for me to write and to start I just want to say I really hope this doesn’t upset or cause offence to anyone .. this is such a sensitive topic and I’ve been debating sharing it or not but maybe , just maybe it will help someone out there or at the very least help me sleep by getting this down !

It’s been over 4 weeks now since the boys and I tested positive for COVID-19 and today is the first day I’ve actually felt ok .. apart from tonight (more of that shortly !)

The boys and I have been incredibly careful since March ... we are all asthmatic and I’ve had pneumonia twice . The disease /pandemic scared us ... we’ve lost an uncle , friends and the children have lost a TA at their school so we knew we had to take care . We followed the rules , did online shopping and the boys sanitized so much one of them had bleeding hands from the eczema!

Yet we still caught Covid . 

We are the lucky ones ... we are here to tell our story and this is just a snap shot for now . 

The littlest had barely any symptoms it effected his eating (Haribo tangtastic helped the weird taste thing ) and bladder but that’s it . The older one started with a cold then the cough and loss of smell came , that really stressed him out , he’s autistic and one of his self named Spidey senses is his sense of smell . 

I suffered , I had most of the common symptoms raging temperatures, hacking cough, my sense of taste was totally messed up as was my smell. I barely ate but drink a lot of water and pineapple juice was recommended and did hit the spot (anyone who knows me knows how rare that is !) I was blessed to speak to my GP quite  early on who could here down the phone how bad my chest was ... he prescribed a cocktail of drugs and antibiotics to help with the infection and pain and though they caused other problems they really did work .

For two weeks I tried to get the boys to do their school work , they wanted to do it but energy and focus  was low (rare again for my two ) we watched a lot of Netflix and snuggled up together . We put on a brave face as didn’t want to worry our family and didn’t want to put anyone at risk by coming to help . It drew us even closer and Daniel especially stepped up to the mark especially helping me with Elijah .. we’ve all become experts in Super mario oddessy and I finally got round to watching The Crown !

4 1/2 weeks on and we can still feel the effects .. I get tired really easily so have to pace my working week ... but then I can’t sleep at night ! We are all constantly up and down to the toilet and after some searching online urine issues seem to be a common side effect of Covid .. and we still get breathless quicker than we would usually .  

This isn’t a blog for sympathy I know how damn lucky we are and for that reason it’s so hard to talk about it ! So many others would love our side effects yet they paid the ultimate price .

This virus is real .. it’s deadly and where it isn’t it has lasting effects for a while after the contagious side leaves ! 

My condolences go out to all who have lost loved ones to this ... I had a weird night last week which I can only describe as survivors guilt ... why did I survive .. why did my uncle not ? I don’t know the answer but I’m sure as heck going to make my life count even more because of it .

Over the next few weeks please please please be careful ... we survived Covid but it has been a hell of a journey and not one is want anyone else to have to go through .

And a special thank you to the NHS track and trace who called to check on us to make sure we had everything we needed who have a listening ear and we’re just kind! 

To those who kept us going via doorstep deliveries , calls and texts it means the world thank you x

Keep safe .. keep washing , keep face masking and keep your distance (in the nice possible way !!) 

Look out for one another

 It’s been a long time I know ... there’s a reason but today isn’t the time to share that particular story , one day but I’m not ready just yet !

Some of you may know my 10 year old was diagnosed with Autism and ADHD as well as a few other things last year after a very difficult battle . Daniel has often been described as complex because he is  A bright Button , polite , caring , loving and kind .

But the reality is Dan also struggles with so many things , things changing , people not sticking to what has been said or arranged, things or situations seeming or looking different are just a few but my biggest battle At the moment is SLEEP ! 

My mum may laugh as I’m also not a great sleeper but the struggle is real for Dan ... it’s just gone midnight and he’s finally dropped off . He’s not been naughty or up and down the stairs he’s been trying all the techniques thrown at him but he just can’t switch off , he’s on melatonin which he lacks but the highest dose isn’t working and it makes him sad that he can’t “just go to sleep”.  And yes I confess I get frustrated mainly because I’m worried how tired he will be the next day , but of course he’s not he gets up and goes to school and does what needs to be done without anyone knowing any different . 

Dan at the moment needs me to hold him tight at night,  he loves compression therapy , he needs to have Cold play playing in his ear (the ghost stories album seems to work best ) And he constantly recites how much he loves me .

Why do I feel the need to share ? 

Dan is a perfect example of  a masker - a person who can hide how they are really feeling (most of the time ) until they are in their safe space .

Many people do the same it’s a coping mechanism .. but we are not all good at it nor should we it’s vital we share our feelings ha and talk when things get too much.

So if someone  looks a bit low on a zoom or someone in The supermarket barges past you , or someone doesn’t quite acknowledge you or say hello or doesn’t return a text or tweet or email straight away maybe t he I’ve got just a bit too much going on right now ! 

We are living in very difficult and unusual times .. we are all tired we’ve not had the rest , the breaks the days off or weekends we hoped 2020 would bring . Many of us have lost loved ones , family , friend or colleague (some of us all 3!)  we just need to try and be there for each other hopefully one more hurdle for us to get through .. the end may be in sight but let’s not loose sight of the community spirit we had in March -July let’s look out for one another and spread a bit of love and kindness ! 

Long time no write !

So over the last few weeks I seem to have become a bit of a  vlogger  rather than a blogger but today I feel the need to go retro 🤣

Life hasn’t been easier for anyone recently and for many clergy working norms have been turned upside down....
much of the involves either people contact or building related meetings , operations , functions!
Take that away and suddenly many for a while felt lost and confused... how do you minister when you can’t use your building or in fact meet people.. then the Dawn rose and the birth of on line interaction began, zooming became a quickly learnt tool, what’s app groups , Microsoft teams and you tube channels were established and no one will forget seeing the wonderful clip of the priest sitting just a little too close to his candles and setting his jumper on fire!!  
It has been a massive learning curve for many I’m sure .
But as a Pioneer it’s felt, I confess, at times frustrating ... for those who don’t know I’m blessed to work across several different churches but don’t have the responsibility directly for a building . Much of my work is done with schools, coffee morning groups and in cafes ... but to maintain the regular connection those relationships are maintained on line ... and many of us have been doing that for years ...
I also for many reasons am a supporter of groups that help support those with disabilities and special needs also been saying how important in line communities are ... thankfully , finally people are beginning to realise how vital this link is. Obviously not everyone can access online resources just like not everyone can access traditional 10.30 am Sunday church ... there are many ways we can be accessible so let’s use them!
In just a few weeks my random vlogs have had more views than bums on pews! ( catchy phrase!!) and people I know full well don’t go to church on a Sunday are accessing stuff on line from the safety of their homes .... that excites me!!!!

My prayer , my hope is that after this nightmare covid-19 virus is over we don’t forget these things weve learnt , witnesses , heard !

Keep safe dear ones .. and if  you can stay home!!

Christmas reflections via a 9 year old !

Today has been a semi day off .. semi because I have so much to do I was going in to panic mode , semi because there’s a lot going on and I felt I needed to begin the day in prayer with my colleagues and semi because I still have several hampers I needed to deliver oh yes and semi because months ago I booked tickets to see Tutankhamun in London .. Ancient Egypt being one of Daniel and Marcs “things”!!!!
Whilst in London we passed many churches and each time Daniel stopped to look at the service boards . After the 4th or 5th he remarked ... why on earth do we have services on Christmas Day ? ... I was gobsmacked ... has nothing from the last 9 years gone in ... this from not only a vicars son , grandson, nephew but also with several clergy Godparents we’ve all failed him !!
So I said Daniel I’m shocked you surely know what Christmas is all about ?
Yes he replied Jesus’ birthday ! And what would Jesus want us to do it’s time to spend with friends and family not in church ! That can be done on Christmas Eve (which is what they tend to do !)

And it’s got me thinking .. most will have seen marc s rants over the last week or so .. I’ve worked my socks off for many reasons hours have been more than normal not just because of Christmas but other circumstance... and family time has been lacking ... what would Jesus do? What would Jesus want on his birthday ? A party , a celebration, love shared ....
This week in the difficult moments even tonight , without prompting I’ve had 3 really special conversations with friends and family looking out for me giving me help and guidance .

This Christmas whatever you do take a moment to show those you love how much you do actually love them ! Share the good news in whatever way you need to or believe . Jesus was born a baby but grew up into a radical world changer bringing heaven to earth  ... let’s celebrate that !!

Advent

I’m tired !!!
Last night we began our festivities with a night out .. in celebrating Christmas with our Upnor cafe family ! It was so good to relax, eat drink and get to know each other a bit better ... some a bit too well 🤣🤣🤣
It’s been a busy old time as we head into the period of Advent ... a time to prepare ... as much as I absolutely love this time of year but right now it feels a little bit like entering the eye of the storm ! There feels like so much that needs to be done it’s almost too overwhelming ; yet I’m sure it’s not just me that feels it... even without the busyness in work there’s so much to do secularly to try and ensure Christmas happens ... but at what cost ?
Marc and I have been trying to re think how we approach or rather what we can put in place to ensure Daniel at least gets the most out of Christmas this year without becoming overwhelmed and overloaded ... all the busyness, the presents, the stuff that “needs to be done however can become a proper distraction from what the season is all about . And now with the political state of the country we’ve got another terrible distraction eating away at a growingly hostile country in a general election .

These next few weeks my prayer to myself as much to anyone else is to take some time to stop , take stock , think and prioritise what’s important , to not be distracted by the unnecessary but embrace the important things in life !

These last few days amidst the busyness it’s been great to spend time with friends and special times with family , to see Les Mis with my Aunty , to take time out to take  the kids to Frozen , to spend time Being with friends.

Advent .... a time to prepare ... a time to get ready, a time to Be .