Time off

 When I put it into black And white and read it back it sounds and feels ridiculous but ….

I really struggle with being on my own and having time off ! I’m fine having time off organised by others to do something specific , I’m fine having torn off with the boys doing stuff with them , what I’ve struggled with is having a regular day off on my own ! 

This job isn’t your regular 9-5, Monday - Friday so time off often differs from others and apparently I’m a “shy extrovert!” People give me energy and make me feel alive so being alone is draining. 

Prior to this new year  being alone meant pretty much doing everything and so time off ends up meaning catching up with the mountain of housework ( vicarage’s are a blessing and a curse!) the even bigger mountain of washing and  other general maintenance jobs. This isn’t energising or life giving  .

So my resolution is to try and have some real time off to recharge and re-set . Today I’ve visited friends and read a book ( and done a little housework / food shop but you know Rome wasn’t built in a day!!!) 

I’m sharing this for two reasons ;

1) for people to keep me accountable

2) for inspiration of what can be done within the school hours that I may find life giving !

Watch this space !

Social media

What did we do before social media ? We would hear about peoples holidays from conversations or photos after the events, we would pick up the phone and check in with someone or we would live our lives complete oblivious to what was going on around us ! Sometimes I wonder if that was better for us 

Don’t get me wrong I love social media .. it helps me keep connected with people all over the country and the world and it’s a great comfort and support on dark lonely nights …but  I also hate the telephone with a passion so it gives  me an outlet to communicate without the telephone phobia !!!

But it is so hard sometimes , when life is difficult and not perfect seeing so many happy families , happy holidays trips and days out , people getting on with life that I took for granted  I’m happy for them but it does make me sad. 

This isn’t a sympathy blog but an “I get it “ blog ! 

If you see posts on social media and they make you feel sad , I get it , if you see photos of friends and feel lonely , I get it , if you read a post or see an opportunity missed I get it .. we never quite know what someone is coping with  but this life we are in is tough .. I get it ..  and if anyone feels sad, lonely, left out send me a message and we can be sad together , we can arrange a drink even if it’s on zoom , don’t suffer in silence because silence can be tough ! Thank you to all who have supported me this week and helped me juggle the next few days ! 

Friends

 Today I had the real privilege of being able to lead the celebration of life service for one of my closest friends Anne. This is what I said in my reflection :

I came to All Saints in September 2011 with a very lively 2 ½ year old and lots of crazy ideas of what I’d like to do and no confidence how to do them or even if I’d be able to try !!  I had a passion for special needs , inclusive church, reaching those outside of the church in creative ways and children and young families !!! 

In no time at all I met my soul mate , someone who got me and my crazy ideas , who could understand and engage my son (to become sons ) and who shared my absolute love for 80s music , dancing and gin!

Anne never liked to be in the line light or the centre of attention … unless it was on the dance floor !!! But the first time I met her we clicked and I knew we would be great friends .. something hard to find in this job!

 

I had the real Pleasure to work with Anne in lots of creative ways , Annr was a licensed evangelist trained by my own mum so I had met anne along with sue and del years before I even came here,  we went on , to be chaplains at Abbey Court together , to do the mission shaped ministry course together and to run Up4it .

Anne was also one of my key baby sitters , go to when I needed new strategies to try and understand the special Needs the boys had ,the arms to hug when I need a rant a moan .. ok a lot of moans and these last years a good cry … 

We shared wonderful weekends at the Greenbelt festival and our times in  the Jesus arms drinking pints and singing hymns and Christmas carols in august  will stay with me

Forever. As will drinking home made gin late into the night whilst discussing some of the fascinating theological thoughts and discussions we had heard through the day . Anne and Steve had all the gadgets though they assured me it was nothing compared to Gill abs simon heron at new wine !! 

And then there was the gin night crew .. sue J Jackie anne and I would meet every few months pre covid ( and on zoom during ) and for some strange reason it always seemed to fall on the Friday night before a church event .. a walk or litter pick the next day …. Anne swore she measures her gins carefully but I think she must have a different measured than me !!! 

All

Of these are special memories to treasure but what I will really miss is Annes loyalty , her dependability , her being there , knowing before I said anything just how I was feeling … sending cards just because … felt hearts in lockdown to remind us she cared … still now I go to text or call her for advice or to share soemthing and remember I can’t and that makes me sad .

In comparison to many of you I only knew anne for 11 years but what ab 11 years they were abs I feel truly honoured to have shared a little bit in her life .

 

People always ask me how I cope with funerals and I always say .. well you go into professional mode … I have to say today this is really tough !! We are all here because we loved anne and she touched our lives in some way … the only thing that’s getting me through is the knowledge that Anne has begun an amazing adventure she’s become that new creation just like the butterflies leaving the cocoon  into eternal life  flying on wings like eagles . Anne had such an immensely strong faith she knew God was with her even in the last few days when things were really tough .. she knew her maker was waiting for her and we have that hope too. In the tough times that keeps me going … and in the others sharing memories .. and the odd gin with others who loved her helps ! 

The fact so many are here today the life of Matthew and Carol helen and Robert are legacies that a bit of Anne will Live on .. she’d hate us to be sad .. but sorry Anne there will be tears … but we will try and dance in the rain just for you !

I ended with a video complied of families from Up4it signing a song which I didn’t notice at the time of filming Elijah went up to the screen and blew a kiss … it nearly broke me!

The service was full of images, music , her signing choir and colour lots of colour!

Tonight I’m beyond exhausted , I miss my friend but I’m sad too and reminded of all the funerals I couldn’t go to because of covid . Most significant my uncle Don’s whose anniversary is approaching, watching your family so upset on live stream is heart wrenching , then there’s Keith my spurs watching buddy , Audrey a beautiful lady from St Nichs, Charlie who was the lead singer in a band with Marc, to name just a few … today for all those with Anne I gave thanks .

I got through today thanks to wonderful friends and my amazing parents . after the service all I needed was a hug from my mummy and I’m so grateful she was there . 

Grief is a rollercoaster whether it’s weeks, months or even years since the person died we still remember, we laugh we cry ; but what I learnt today is the significance of being able to do that together in your own way …. For becoming a little bit more me, a little bit braver , a little more rebellious, I thank Anne ! Thank you dear friend for you care and friendship and for being the Tigger to my Pooh Bear !

Grief

 It’s been a long time since I’ve been able to write…. A REALLY. A Long time !!! There are so many words within me but for many reasons I’ve not been able to say them. But tonight I feel compelled to.

My heart is feeling immensely heavy … maybe even broken ! It has been such an emotional day probably world wide .. but today , this morning just as I was helping Elijah get dressed I received the worst phone call … a very very dear friend to me had died and despite her being in hospital 8 weeks and receiving the worst diagnosis a few days ago , I still wasn’t expecting her to die so soon , I wasn’t prepared or ready . Friends are hard to come by and she was such a special one who got me … one of my last messages to her was that she was the Tigger to my Winnie the Pooh . We led all age worship together, chaplained our Special school together, went to Greenbelt together and drank gin !!  She got me !! ( rate when you’re a priest !) 

And once I’d spoken to the family , made many pastoral calls to church friends I called my mum and lost it hysterically .. tears poured and my boys comforted me amidst there own sadness . 

We watched the Queen’s funeral with me some of our church who too were going through their own grief or loneliness and sitting in church just felt like the right place to be . Remembering my faithful Christian friend on the day of the Queen’s funeral seemed perfect .. both such faithful servants of Jesus ! 

Tonight I said  sorry to the boys for being upset and Dan said it was very healthy to show our sadness for soemone we loved .. that boy amazes me time and again … Elijah found his Marty church mouse puppet just like Anne used in all age and talked to him about his sadness ! 

We all grieve in different ways , death wether close or distant brings triggers and memories back … what I’ve learnt today is that it’s really important to be together when sad things happen, to share memories together and to leave each day as if it’s your last because tomorrow isn’t guaranteed ! Oh and that Great Britain puts on an amazing royal Occasion !

God bless you your Majesty , God bless you Anne my dear dear friend I shall miss you immensely !!! May you both rest in peace and rise in glory xx

Dealing with the interruptions

 This week I’ve been writing a sermon about how we deal with interruptions in our plans .. when life throws a curve ball , not necessarily the major life changing things but also the little nibbles that disrupt our flow of what we were doing ( to see how it fits in a sermon you’ll have to tune in to St Nicholas STROOD you tube channel on Sunday !!!)

Seriously though not even half an hour after writing and I had a coffee cancellation … yes it’s just coffee but it was with my bestie who I haven’t seen for a while an since was really looking forward to a chat to just be me .  The. Throughout the week various things have happened that have changed plans , car failing it’s mot so no car for a few days change of plans again , internet not connected for yet another two weeks so missed a really important zoom course I was a looking forward to as well as several other meetings, Elijah nearly missing his optician app because Dan was later back from his school trip … 

So by this point … late on Thursday night I can’t sleep and I’m proper stressed … my saint of a brother in law comes over and gives us an internet back up … dad comes up and helps out with lifts , and so it goes on . And yes I still feel stressed but I’m remembering the words I’ve written this week and can now see the blessings that I have seen this week … the conversations I did have , the people I have seen , the time I’ve spent playing in the garden with the boys because there was no internet , the book I’m reading because I couldn’t waste time on Netflix /tv, the extra time I’ve gained with family .

It is really helpful and comforting having plans and knowing what’s going to happen and that’s very important (especially when you have an autistic son !) but life isn’t neat and tidy and sometimes , just sometimes the curve balls contain different but sometimes positive outcomes in places we didn’t expect it . 

I’m waffling on but to those of you who have been there in this hard week hopefully you know how much I love and appreciate you … and yes I’m going to get and practise what I preach 🙈

Creativity

 I’ve been advised  to try and take some me time .. even if it’s just an hour in the week doing something not work or mummy but mindless me … Today I went for a walk with a friend .. it’s a walk we’ve done many a time and each time I’ve noticed this amazing graffiti ..

always different but very stunning !! 

Today some young men were there preparing the wall to create … we stopped and they looked anxious .. we said thank you for your work it’s beautiful … they were stunned .. thanks they replied you’re not gonna give us agro ? Well no you’re creating something beautiful in a place that’s neglected . They were amazed we had conversation about how they didn’t want to offend or cause damage or upset anyone they just wanted to share their art . 

It’s amazing how A bit of  creativity can turn somewhere derelict and overlooked into a statement or a place of beauty … it got me wondering how many people are there out there who have something to say or a voice to be heard that gets neglected or shouted down   How many people get misunderstood or ignored because of judgement and prejudice ? 

Let’s find the voices let’s search for the beauty in the unusual places this week.

Sparkle and Shine ???

I heard a radio report  the other day  that was discussing what people’s least favourite word is ...( moist was the most common out of interest!)  and then A friend told me today that their most  favourite word is “sparkle “ we often focus on the negatives rather than the positives where is the news report on the worlds nicest word ??? 

But in that conversation  it took me to this blog and I told them that I had a blog called sparkle and shine but there hadn’t been much to sparkle or shine about in the last few months ... 

and that got me thinking, which is why I’m here writing this tonight .. I’m usually a glass is half full person not half empty.. there’s always sparkle somewhere so tonight I’m finding the sparkle ... I may need some help so feel free to let me know of your sparkle moments this week.

This week I saw some gorgeous flowers , sparkle in creation called “Apparently honest “ a beautiful coloured pinky purple cluster .

Today I had coffee with a  head teacher who has Become a dear friend , his kind heart and wise words sparkled.

This afternoon after conducting a funeral , the first in a long long time , I had a meeting with a friend and colleague who reassured me when I was stressing about my unfinished talk for Sunday and reminded me of the importance Of sparkling.

And this evening I had my usual evening cuddle with not one but two beautiful resilient freshly hair cut boys who both uttered the “I love you mummy “ words ... a true sparkly moment ! 

This week I’m going to try hard to seek out the sparkle and try and bring my shine back !!!

Rollercoaster

 One of the last days out I had was to Thorpe Park ... I absolutely love rollercoasters ... the kids hate such things so I don’t often get the privilege but I have wonderful friends and a cracking niece who do so I’m Living in hope that one day we will get back there again. Rollercoasters are strange aren’t they .. you queue for ages and in a matter of moments the excitement and thrill is over ... and you go back to do it all again .... there’s the ups and downs the loops and turns being thrown hither and tither ! 

This week I had a dream I was on a rollercoaster with 2 friends and newly retired teachers from the boys school !!! It was very serial but wonderful for the time I was dreaming . And then I woke up and the week has continued in that vain .. like a constant rollercoaster .. there have been so many ups and downs and twists in this house this week you couldn’t make it up .. it’s certainly kept us on our toes !  

The amazing thing though about it is that not once , not twice , but 5 times .. just at the right moment I received a call or an email that uplifted me... 5 times !!!!! And these were from People not close to me knowing my week but folk who felt prompted for whatever reason to touch base ... just at the right time . .. to those if you read this I thank you from the bottom of my heart for being thè up part of my rollercoaster week. 

It can feel like there’s soooo little we CAN do during lockdown to help or support each other but it’s often the little simple things that make the difference . If you feel prompted to text or call someone .. whether that’s in a dream or a passing thought do it .. it could just be the thing they need this week ..

Please take care of yourselves and each other xxx

New Year

 I’ve been dreading today more than Christmas not sure why but the culmination of all that has gone into 2020 has hit hard ! As I sit fireworks are going off all Around us people determined in the safety of their own homes to keep tradition going and celebrate .

Maybe it’s a good riddance or a symbol of hope for a better tomorrow ?

There’s no denying that this year has been crappy so much has been lost ... relationships , friendships , jobs and businesses and ultimately lives ! It’s hard to celebrate a year with such pain ... 

however a friend made me stop and think today ... surely in the midst of all that has happened there must be some positives to come out of 2020? I’ve been wracking my brain struggling to find any .. and then after uploading this weekends talk, I saw my talk about light shining in the darknessfrom a previous week  .... even in the darkest places the light shines 

So where has the light shone this year ?

For me it’s been In places I didn’t always expect .. in the colleagues and head teachers taking time in their busyness to keep in touch , it’s in the grieving widows checking in and offering help , it’s in the food hampers made by people in need themselves but wanting to still help , it’s in extra time spent with children when they should’ve been at school (not gonna lie it’s blooming tough home Ed but we had some fun too!) it’s in teaching via zoom how to use zoom , online quizzes and sing alongs, in phone calls and texts, whatsapp groups and more zooms . It’s on the door step clapping appreciation for our  key workers often those over looked previously . It’s discovering that excercise can be fun when you’ve got Joe Wicks by your side . It’s in discovering new or hidden talents and using those to start new ventures or businesses and it’s in the memories .. the memories that we once loved , we once hugged , we once sat and drank endless cups of coffee and we didn’t appreciate it .. but now we do !

So if you are feeling a little low as I am tonight try and find that light in the darkness ... I promise it’s there even if it’s a tiny spark ! 

God bless , keep safe and praying for those of us who are finding today tough x 

COVID-19

 This has been so difficult for me to write and to start I just want to say I really hope this doesn’t upset or cause offence to anyone .. this is such a sensitive topic and I’ve been debating sharing it or not but maybe , just maybe it will help someone out there or at the very least help me sleep by getting this down !

It’s been over 4 weeks now since the boys and I tested positive for COVID-19 and today is the first day I’ve actually felt ok .. apart from tonight (more of that shortly !)

The boys and I have been incredibly careful since March ... we are all asthmatic and I’ve had pneumonia twice . The disease /pandemic scared us ... we’ve lost an uncle , friends and the children have lost a TA at their school so we knew we had to take care . We followed the rules , did online shopping and the boys sanitized so much one of them had bleeding hands from the eczema!

Yet we still caught Covid . 

We are the lucky ones ... we are here to tell our story and this is just a snap shot for now . 

The littlest had barely any symptoms it effected his eating (Haribo tangtastic helped the weird taste thing ) and bladder but that’s it . The older one started with a cold then the cough and loss of smell came , that really stressed him out , he’s autistic and one of his self named Spidey senses is his sense of smell . 

I suffered , I had most of the common symptoms raging temperatures, hacking cough, my sense of taste was totally messed up as was my smell. I barely ate but drink a lot of water and pineapple juice was recommended and did hit the spot (anyone who knows me knows how rare that is !) I was blessed to speak to my GP quite  early on who could here down the phone how bad my chest was ... he prescribed a cocktail of drugs and antibiotics to help with the infection and pain and though they caused other problems they really did work .

For two weeks I tried to get the boys to do their school work , they wanted to do it but energy and focus  was low (rare again for my two ) we watched a lot of Netflix and snuggled up together . We put on a brave face as didn’t want to worry our family and didn’t want to put anyone at risk by coming to help . It drew us even closer and Daniel especially stepped up to the mark especially helping me with Elijah .. we’ve all become experts in Super mario oddessy and I finally got round to watching The Crown !

4 1/2 weeks on and we can still feel the effects .. I get tired really easily so have to pace my working week ... but then I can’t sleep at night ! We are all constantly up and down to the toilet and after some searching online urine issues seem to be a common side effect of Covid .. and we still get breathless quicker than we would usually .  

This isn’t a blog for sympathy I know how damn lucky we are and for that reason it’s so hard to talk about it ! So many others would love our side effects yet they paid the ultimate price .

This virus is real .. it’s deadly and where it isn’t it has lasting effects for a while after the contagious side leaves ! 

My condolences go out to all who have lost loved ones to this ... I had a weird night last week which I can only describe as survivors guilt ... why did I survive .. why did my uncle not ? I don’t know the answer but I’m sure as heck going to make my life count even more because of it .

Over the next few weeks please please please be careful ... we survived Covid but it has been a hell of a journey and not one is want anyone else to have to go through .

And a special thank you to the NHS track and trace who called to check on us to make sure we had everything we needed who have a listening ear and we’re just kind! 

To those who kept us going via doorstep deliveries , calls and texts it means the world thank you x

Keep safe .. keep washing , keep face masking and keep your distance (in the nice possible way !!) 

Look out for one another

 It’s been a long time I know ... there’s a reason but today isn’t the time to share that particular story , one day but I’m not ready just yet !

Some of you may know my 10 year old was diagnosed with Autism and ADHD as well as a few other things last year after a very difficult battle . Daniel has often been described as complex because he is  A bright Button , polite , caring , loving and kind .

But the reality is Dan also struggles with so many things , things changing , people not sticking to what has been said or arranged, things or situations seeming or looking different are just a few but my biggest battle At the moment is SLEEP ! 

My mum may laugh as I’m also not a great sleeper but the struggle is real for Dan ... it’s just gone midnight and he’s finally dropped off . He’s not been naughty or up and down the stairs he’s been trying all the techniques thrown at him but he just can’t switch off , he’s on melatonin which he lacks but the highest dose isn’t working and it makes him sad that he can’t “just go to sleep”.  And yes I confess I get frustrated mainly because I’m worried how tired he will be the next day , but of course he’s not he gets up and goes to school and does what needs to be done without anyone knowing any different . 

Dan at the moment needs me to hold him tight at night,  he loves compression therapy , he needs to have Cold play playing in his ear (the ghost stories album seems to work best ) And he constantly recites how much he loves me .

Why do I feel the need to share ? 

Dan is a perfect example of  a masker - a person who can hide how they are really feeling (most of the time ) until they are in their safe space .

Many people do the same it’s a coping mechanism .. but we are not all good at it nor should we it’s vital we share our feelings ha and talk when things get too much.

So if someone  looks a bit low on a zoom or someone in The supermarket barges past you , or someone doesn’t quite acknowledge you or say hello or doesn’t return a text or tweet or email straight away maybe t he I’ve got just a bit too much going on right now ! 

We are living in very difficult and unusual times .. we are all tired we’ve not had the rest , the breaks the days off or weekends we hoped 2020 would bring . Many of us have lost loved ones , family , friend or colleague (some of us all 3!)  we just need to try and be there for each other hopefully one more hurdle for us to get through .. the end may be in sight but let’s not loose sight of the community spirit we had in March -July let’s look out for one another and spread a bit of love and kindness ! 

Long time no write !

So over the last few weeks I seem to have become a bit of a  vlogger  rather than a blogger but today I feel the need to go retro 🤣

Life hasn’t been easier for anyone recently and for many clergy working norms have been turned upside down....
much of the involves either people contact or building related meetings , operations , functions!
Take that away and suddenly many for a while felt lost and confused... how do you minister when you can’t use your building or in fact meet people.. then the Dawn rose and the birth of on line interaction began, zooming became a quickly learnt tool, what’s app groups , Microsoft teams and you tube channels were established and no one will forget seeing the wonderful clip of the priest sitting just a little too close to his candles and setting his jumper on fire!!  
It has been a massive learning curve for many I’m sure .
But as a Pioneer it’s felt, I confess, at times frustrating ... for those who don’t know I’m blessed to work across several different churches but don’t have the responsibility directly for a building . Much of my work is done with schools, coffee morning groups and in cafes ... but to maintain the regular connection those relationships are maintained on line ... and many of us have been doing that for years ...
I also for many reasons am a supporter of groups that help support those with disabilities and special needs also been saying how important in line communities are ... thankfully , finally people are beginning to realise how vital this link is. Obviously not everyone can access online resources just like not everyone can access traditional 10.30 am Sunday church ... there are many ways we can be accessible so let’s use them!
In just a few weeks my random vlogs have had more views than bums on pews! ( catchy phrase!!) and people I know full well don’t go to church on a Sunday are accessing stuff on line from the safety of their homes .... that excites me!!!!

My prayer , my hope is that after this nightmare covid-19 virus is over we don’t forget these things weve learnt , witnesses , heard !

Keep safe dear ones .. and if  you can stay home!!

Christmas reflections via a 9 year old !

Today has been a semi day off .. semi because I have so much to do I was going in to panic mode , semi because there’s a lot going on and I felt I needed to begin the day in prayer with my colleagues and semi because I still have several hampers I needed to deliver oh yes and semi because months ago I booked tickets to see Tutankhamun in London .. Ancient Egypt being one of Daniel and Marcs “things”!!!!
Whilst in London we passed many churches and each time Daniel stopped to look at the service boards . After the 4th or 5th he remarked ... why on earth do we have services on Christmas Day ? ... I was gobsmacked ... has nothing from the last 9 years gone in ... this from not only a vicars son , grandson, nephew but also with several clergy Godparents we’ve all failed him !!
So I said Daniel I’m shocked you surely know what Christmas is all about ?
Yes he replied Jesus’ birthday ! And what would Jesus want us to do it’s time to spend with friends and family not in church ! That can be done on Christmas Eve (which is what they tend to do !)

And it’s got me thinking .. most will have seen marc s rants over the last week or so .. I’ve worked my socks off for many reasons hours have been more than normal not just because of Christmas but other circumstance... and family time has been lacking ... what would Jesus do? What would Jesus want on his birthday ? A party , a celebration, love shared ....
This week in the difficult moments even tonight , without prompting I’ve had 3 really special conversations with friends and family looking out for me giving me help and guidance .

This Christmas whatever you do take a moment to show those you love how much you do actually love them ! Share the good news in whatever way you need to or believe . Jesus was born a baby but grew up into a radical world changer bringing heaven to earth  ... let’s celebrate that !!

Advent

I’m tired !!!
Last night we began our festivities with a night out .. in celebrating Christmas with our Upnor cafe family ! It was so good to relax, eat drink and get to know each other a bit better ... some a bit too well 🤣🤣🤣
It’s been a busy old time as we head into the period of Advent ... a time to prepare ... as much as I absolutely love this time of year but right now it feels a little bit like entering the eye of the storm ! There feels like so much that needs to be done it’s almost too overwhelming ; yet I’m sure it’s not just me that feels it... even without the busyness in work there’s so much to do secularly to try and ensure Christmas happens ... but at what cost ?
Marc and I have been trying to re think how we approach or rather what we can put in place to ensure Daniel at least gets the most out of Christmas this year without becoming overwhelmed and overloaded ... all the busyness, the presents, the stuff that “needs to be done however can become a proper distraction from what the season is all about . And now with the political state of the country we’ve got another terrible distraction eating away at a growingly hostile country in a general election .

These next few weeks my prayer to myself as much to anyone else is to take some time to stop , take stock , think and prioritise what’s important , to not be distracted by the unnecessary but embrace the important things in life !

These last few days amidst the busyness it’s been great to spend time with friends and special times with family , to see Les Mis with my Aunty , to take time out to take  the kids to Frozen , to spend time Being with friends.

Advent .... a time to prepare ... a time to get ready, a time to Be .

News Alert !

I’ve been very quiet in my blog over recent times and even on social media . Most of you know that I love it but as a family we’ve been working some stuff out which we’ve had to do just as a family.
My job obviously isn’t just a job , it’s not even a vocation but rather it’s a calling ... over the years it’s got us into Alsorts of weird and wonderful places including Bosnia , Indonesia and Strood !!!!!!
All I’ve ever wanted to do was to follow that call ... if you’re not a believer and reading this you’ll think this is crazy and I can’t fully explain it but ultimately it’s about going to serve (work) where God feels we are best used with our skills and talents.
I can’t deny the last few months have been difficult as we worked this all out.
My job was contracted for 5 years and being 3 years in thinking about the next step was inevitable... we especially wanted to think about moving for secondary school for Dan as Kent has a grammar system which I’m not a fan of !
To cut a long story short after 4 months of reflections , rejecting ideas , coming back to them and praying ... a whole lot of praying .. who family , with priests and even with a nun !!! We came to the decision to apply for a job and I was offered it ... in Lancaster .
Some of you may know Lancaster is Marc’s home town and where I went to Uni. It’s a long way from Kent and that part breaks my heart .. literally in two infact in many pieces , my parents are here , my sister brother in law and most beautiful
Little niece are here , my best friend and his family are here along with other very close friends and people I now see more like family than just friends ... hope you know who you are ! But we still feel Gods call on us to make the sacrifice and start a new challenge ... being a “proper vicar “ in a church in fact two churches but pioneering out of them !
The timings are sketchy it won’t be until next summer as For Dan we felt he needed to finish the academic year ... so plenty of time for au revoirs !!
If you’ve got this far thanks for reading and happy to share the extended story over coffee , gin etc any time xxx

Vague

Apologise for being vague on many fronts here but it’s out of necessity for now !
This week, the last 5 days have been horrific difficult and emotional on many fronts.
Last Sunday we had (in my humble opinion!) a really powerful service at Abbey court school bringing the school community and the church community together for the first time! We invested their brand new scout pack, our scouts presented them woth a new standard, we heard from the Bishop  and great worship was had . I also conducted the most beautiful thanksgiving blessing of a little girl in the afternoon with over 140 guests and the. Celebrated a colleague being vicar in his parish for 20 years!.... it was a very busy but blessed day!
And when lots of energy and effort has been put in to such things there can often be a back lash .. these week we have taken it on all fronts ... I actually feel like I’ve been through the eye of the storm and have not quite exited yet!
As always I’m always grateful to dear friends and family who have shown their support in the various different situations and the support we have had has been lovely . I’ve again learnt the very important lesson of talking and sharing how you feel with others it really does help !
  I am heading into a new working week thoroughly exhausted (it’s now 12.44 I’ve been in bed 2 1/2 hours and gotten up several times unable to sleep!! The joy of an ADHD Brain!)
There really is no point to this except to say thank you to those who are walking with us .. we have a great faith that God is bigger than humanity and has our family in the palm of his hand guiding us forward .. but the journey is a struggle sometimes and hopefully writing it down will enable sleep to come !
As well as Abbey court being my weekly highlight I also discovered a local cafe selling dairy free Ben and Jerry’s ... all can’t be bad !!!

New start

It’s that time of year ... routine returns , meetings back up in earnest .. and the thoughts of days out and ice cream are but a distant memory !! Although we didn’t go away away we had 14 days split across the 6 weeks visiting family and friends and having a really lovely time . The boys were very chilled and got on amazingly well together !
And then back to earth with a bang as Elijah began full time school for the first time this week !!! We didn’t think it would be a big deal as he’s been in the nursery already but boy were we wrong !! He certainly made his feelings known at home but thankfully he was very good once at school each day and went into class without so. I hope as a protest and has come out smiling each day . His highlight the first day was the deputy head having to help him see what was for lunch as he was too little to see over the counter! His staple has been jacket potato and beans and fruit but hey if he’s eating something that’s a win in my book!

Dan has struggled more but held it together in school as is his style. And we’ve had lots of cave time and decompression at home !
I’ve always hated September .. I’m not sure why because I really enjoyed school up until I was 16 but think it’s the thought of  getting back to normality and routine rather than the free form the holidays can take plus the extra time with the boys Has been truly wonderful !
The next few weeks are pretty crazy and pressurised too  but I’m sure we will get used to autumn and it’s boy long really until The joy and wonder of Christmas is it 😉

The boys are back!!!

When the opportunity for Marc and Elijah to go to Marc’s cousins farm for a week arose it was a no brainer... the last chance to take Elijah before the big move to start school full time in September,... what I didn’t contemplate was just how hard it would be for me .. Dan and I have had a lovely time spending quality 1:1 time together but we really missed Elijah and Marc .. Dan so much he even slept in Elijahs  bed !!
It’s also been tough as I’ve had to work full time sort Dan and cook (those who know me know how much I struggle with that one!!)  however we have survived , we’ve not been ill and the food has been edible , we’ve survived .. exhausted but survived !
What I have realised is I really need to develop some hobbies , when dan went to bed I’d juat go back to doing work , on my day off , all alone for a whole day I had no idea what to do with myself .. I even popped into the office for a cup of tea !!!  From September I need to re think my time off !
But for now the boys are back chaos has returned and I am in my happy place !!!!

Joseph

It won’t have gone un noticed that Daniel and I went with The Monty’s to see Joseph at the weekend .... it will also not have passed you by to realise just how long I’ve been waiting to see this show. Now we live in Kent it seems crazy to many that I never got to the West end to see it previously especially considering my deep appreciation for a certainty ant Donovan 🙈...however at the time we lived in Bolton, money wasn’t free flowing and a trip down to the big smoke (train, tickets, somewhere to stay) was just way out of any comprehension so instead I was given a programme a colleague of my dad bought on their visit , I got the tape then the cd for Christmas and I learnt the words off by heart!
Saturday was so specially because after 28 years I finally got to the London palladium a nd I got to share it with daniel seeing it through his 9 year old eyes of awe and wonder and yes the icing on a very beautiful cake was Mr Jason Donovan returning this time as the Pharaoh! My expectations were high and even those were exceeded, it was everything I’d ever dreamed of and more .. and yes I apologise there was singing and some cheering (ok a lot of LOUD cheering from a group of us very exciters to see Jason !) and when my niece asked if we could go to the stage door who was I to refuse

I would love love love to see it again before it finishes its short run ... if you get the chance and don’t mind like us being in the gods go go go go 🎵😜

Holiday !

It may have crossed your path that we had a holiday last week ...  3 nights and 4 days of totally exhausting magic !
You see some 7 years ago my mum promised Daniel she would take him to disneyland ... 7 years later we went to Disneyland Paris !
We are very blessed as my parents paid for the whole family to go together in the easiest possible way .. we got the Eurostar from ebbsfleet some 10 minutes from our house which took us straight to Disney , our bags taken to the hotel so we could head straight in to the park . Some of you also know that Daniel is blessed with “spider” powers his name for his ADHD and ASD tendencies , this along with my sisters epilepsy enabled them to receive a green card meaning we could queue in the disabled entrance away from the crowds with a reduced time to wait . This was a real game changer for us it took out some of the stress for Dan and enabled us to really be able to relax .. and when things got too much we managed to escape to the hotel pool. (Where we bumped into someone from church !)
There’re were so many highlights ...meeting Disney characters , seeing amazing shows and the parade, the illumination show and fireworks... the wide range of rides even Grandma was brave !! But what I really loved was quality time just the 9 of us , life has been pretty stressful of late all round so the chance to chill out, having fun and just being in the magical bubble called Disney was a little piece of wonderful escapism. !