New Year

 I’ve been dreading today more than Christmas not sure why but the culmination of all that has gone into 2020 has hit hard ! As I sit fireworks are going off all Around us people determined in the safety of their own homes to keep tradition going and celebrate .

Maybe it’s a good riddance or a symbol of hope for a better tomorrow ?

There’s no denying that this year has been crappy so much has been lost ... relationships , friendships , jobs and businesses and ultimately lives ! It’s hard to celebrate a year with such pain ... 

however a friend made me stop and think today ... surely in the midst of all that has happened there must be some positives to come out of 2020? I’ve been wracking my brain struggling to find any .. and then after uploading this weekends talk, I saw my talk about light shining in the darknessfrom a previous week  .... even in the darkest places the light shines 

So where has the light shone this year ?

For me it’s been In places I didn’t always expect .. in the colleagues and head teachers taking time in their busyness to keep in touch , it’s in the grieving widows checking in and offering help , it’s in the food hampers made by people in need themselves but wanting to still help , it’s in extra time spent with children when they should’ve been at school (not gonna lie it’s blooming tough home Ed but we had some fun too!) it’s in teaching via zoom how to use zoom , online quizzes and sing alongs, in phone calls and texts, whatsapp groups and more zooms . It’s on the door step clapping appreciation for our  key workers often those over looked previously . It’s discovering that excercise can be fun when you’ve got Joe Wicks by your side . It’s in discovering new or hidden talents and using those to start new ventures or businesses and it’s in the memories .. the memories that we once loved , we once hugged , we once sat and drank endless cups of coffee and we didn’t appreciate it .. but now we do !

So if you are feeling a little low as I am tonight try and find that light in the darkness ... I promise it’s there even if it’s a tiny spark ! 

God bless , keep safe and praying for those of us who are finding today tough x 

COVID-19

 This has been so difficult for me to write and to start I just want to say I really hope this doesn’t upset or cause offence to anyone .. this is such a sensitive topic and I’ve been debating sharing it or not but maybe , just maybe it will help someone out there or at the very least help me sleep by getting this down !

It’s been over 4 weeks now since the boys and I tested positive for COVID-19 and today is the first day I’ve actually felt ok .. apart from tonight (more of that shortly !)

The boys and I have been incredibly careful since March ... we are all asthmatic and I’ve had pneumonia twice . The disease /pandemic scared us ... we’ve lost an uncle , friends and the children have lost a TA at their school so we knew we had to take care . We followed the rules , did online shopping and the boys sanitized so much one of them had bleeding hands from the eczema!

Yet we still caught Covid . 

We are the lucky ones ... we are here to tell our story and this is just a snap shot for now . 

The littlest had barely any symptoms it effected his eating (Haribo tangtastic helped the weird taste thing ) and bladder but that’s it . The older one started with a cold then the cough and loss of smell came , that really stressed him out , he’s autistic and one of his self named Spidey senses is his sense of smell . 

I suffered , I had most of the common symptoms raging temperatures, hacking cough, my sense of taste was totally messed up as was my smell. I barely ate but drink a lot of water and pineapple juice was recommended and did hit the spot (anyone who knows me knows how rare that is !) I was blessed to speak to my GP quite  early on who could here down the phone how bad my chest was ... he prescribed a cocktail of drugs and antibiotics to help with the infection and pain and though they caused other problems they really did work .

For two weeks I tried to get the boys to do their school work , they wanted to do it but energy and focus  was low (rare again for my two ) we watched a lot of Netflix and snuggled up together . We put on a brave face as didn’t want to worry our family and didn’t want to put anyone at risk by coming to help . It drew us even closer and Daniel especially stepped up to the mark especially helping me with Elijah .. we’ve all become experts in Super mario oddessy and I finally got round to watching The Crown !

4 1/2 weeks on and we can still feel the effects .. I get tired really easily so have to pace my working week ... but then I can’t sleep at night ! We are all constantly up and down to the toilet and after some searching online urine issues seem to be a common side effect of Covid .. and we still get breathless quicker than we would usually .  

This isn’t a blog for sympathy I know how damn lucky we are and for that reason it’s so hard to talk about it ! So many others would love our side effects yet they paid the ultimate price .

This virus is real .. it’s deadly and where it isn’t it has lasting effects for a while after the contagious side leaves ! 

My condolences go out to all who have lost loved ones to this ... I had a weird night last week which I can only describe as survivors guilt ... why did I survive .. why did my uncle not ? I don’t know the answer but I’m sure as heck going to make my life count even more because of it .

Over the next few weeks please please please be careful ... we survived Covid but it has been a hell of a journey and not one is want anyone else to have to go through .

And a special thank you to the NHS track and trace who called to check on us to make sure we had everything we needed who have a listening ear and we’re just kind! 

To those who kept us going via doorstep deliveries , calls and texts it means the world thank you x

Keep safe .. keep washing , keep face masking and keep your distance (in the nice possible way !!) 

Look out for one another

 It’s been a long time I know ... there’s a reason but today isn’t the time to share that particular story , one day but I’m not ready just yet !

Some of you may know my 10 year old was diagnosed with Autism and ADHD as well as a few other things last year after a very difficult battle . Daniel has often been described as complex because he is  A bright Button , polite , caring , loving and kind .

But the reality is Dan also struggles with so many things , things changing , people not sticking to what has been said or arranged, things or situations seeming or looking different are just a few but my biggest battle At the moment is SLEEP ! 

My mum may laugh as I’m also not a great sleeper but the struggle is real for Dan ... it’s just gone midnight and he’s finally dropped off . He’s not been naughty or up and down the stairs he’s been trying all the techniques thrown at him but he just can’t switch off , he’s on melatonin which he lacks but the highest dose isn’t working and it makes him sad that he can’t “just go to sleep”.  And yes I confess I get frustrated mainly because I’m worried how tired he will be the next day , but of course he’s not he gets up and goes to school and does what needs to be done without anyone knowing any different . 

Dan at the moment needs me to hold him tight at night,  he loves compression therapy , he needs to have Cold play playing in his ear (the ghost stories album seems to work best ) And he constantly recites how much he loves me .

Why do I feel the need to share ? 

Dan is a perfect example of  a masker - a person who can hide how they are really feeling (most of the time ) until they are in their safe space .

Many people do the same it’s a coping mechanism .. but we are not all good at it nor should we it’s vital we share our feelings ha and talk when things get too much.

So if someone  looks a bit low on a zoom or someone in The supermarket barges past you , or someone doesn’t quite acknowledge you or say hello or doesn’t return a text or tweet or email straight away maybe t he I’ve got just a bit too much going on right now ! 

We are living in very difficult and unusual times .. we are all tired we’ve not had the rest , the breaks the days off or weekends we hoped 2020 would bring . Many of us have lost loved ones , family , friend or colleague (some of us all 3!)  we just need to try and be there for each other hopefully one more hurdle for us to get through .. the end may be in sight but let’s not loose sight of the community spirit we had in March -July let’s look out for one another and spread a bit of love and kindness ! 

Long time no write !

So over the last few weeks I seem to have become a bit of a  vlogger  rather than a blogger but today I feel the need to go retro 🤣

Life hasn’t been easier for anyone recently and for many clergy working norms have been turned upside down....
much of the involves either people contact or building related meetings , operations , functions!
Take that away and suddenly many for a while felt lost and confused... how do you minister when you can’t use your building or in fact meet people.. then the Dawn rose and the birth of on line interaction began, zooming became a quickly learnt tool, what’s app groups , Microsoft teams and you tube channels were established and no one will forget seeing the wonderful clip of the priest sitting just a little too close to his candles and setting his jumper on fire!!  
It has been a massive learning curve for many I’m sure .
But as a Pioneer it’s felt, I confess, at times frustrating ... for those who don’t know I’m blessed to work across several different churches but don’t have the responsibility directly for a building . Much of my work is done with schools, coffee morning groups and in cafes ... but to maintain the regular connection those relationships are maintained on line ... and many of us have been doing that for years ...
I also for many reasons am a supporter of groups that help support those with disabilities and special needs also been saying how important in line communities are ... thankfully , finally people are beginning to realise how vital this link is. Obviously not everyone can access online resources just like not everyone can access traditional 10.30 am Sunday church ... there are many ways we can be accessible so let’s use them!
In just a few weeks my random vlogs have had more views than bums on pews! ( catchy phrase!!) and people I know full well don’t go to church on a Sunday are accessing stuff on line from the safety of their homes .... that excites me!!!!

My prayer , my hope is that after this nightmare covid-19 virus is over we don’t forget these things weve learnt , witnesses , heard !

Keep safe dear ones .. and if  you can stay home!!