It's Saturday night..Marc is out playing at gig number 2 of his weekend and again I'm left pondering;
its a very strange place the land of maternity leave....just before I entered it I was absolutely dreading it, how would I cope and survive without work so many relationships are tied up in my job especially when you move around so much and what would I do with the time I had apart from look after a child??
Then within days of Elijah s arrival it felt like I d never want to go back to work, I was content, life was exhausting but satisfying and I embraced the time with open arms ...
It's been 6 months now and over the past few weeks I've done a few bits of work...a dearly loved lady s funeral, met our new vicar, a few bits for Dan s school and had the sanity of our drop in cafe at Upnor and cafe church at taggs to keep me going which has been great.
However I can't help but feel very much on the peripheral of every group, I don't fully fit here or there as I'm in between places...I'm not a stay at home mummy but I'm not a working mummy atm either. I cant engage fully in tasks because I have to be around to physically feed Elijah ( little tyke still won't take a bottle!) I have time on my hands yet it's in 2 hour blocks ( feeding clock)
There is so much I'm very keen to engage in but the timing just isn't right at the moment....things for the future or just feelings of missed opportunities I'm not sure yet, what I am sure of is the gratitude I feel for the dear friends old and new I have who are on this journey with me those I can moan with, share fatigue and sleep deprivation with and those who know what it's like to be awake at ridiculous o clock .ladies I thank you for being there morning noon and night.
Saturday, 21 November 2015
Thursday, 12 November 2015
Baby blues
It's been a while ... Am sure no one missed me 😜
There's a good reason though , well two actually .. First of all we've had our delayed summer holiday in Spain, a holiday of firsts .. Elijah s first plane and train rides Elijahs first cold , Daniel eating clams squid and mussels , getting caught with 2 kids in a thunder storm , exploring the delights of NON alcoholic beer ( not bad but def not as good!) and experiencing our first extra long airport delay!!! All in all definitely an experience !
The second reason I've gone to ground is due to s bit of baby blues... I'm not very good at all at sharing how things are effecting me but the last few weeks ( probably due to sleep deprivation ) I've struggled ... Elijah s been very unsettled teething and his cold and everyone we meet feels the need to comment on how large/chubby/chunky /fat he is. He's purely been breast fed so there's not much I can do about it and as dear folk tell me I should be proud but for some reason it's really got to me. Elijah s a pretty chilled out jolly chap with a really cute personality coming through yet already at 5 months I feel he's bring judged when did the world turn in to a place where we can judge others And make them feel negative.
I know it's temporary as Dan was chunky as were myself Marc and my nephew ..maybe I need to think of a good come back the next time it's mentioned .... Answers on a postcard 👶
There's a good reason though , well two actually .. First of all we've had our delayed summer holiday in Spain, a holiday of firsts .. Elijah s first plane and train rides Elijahs first cold , Daniel eating clams squid and mussels , getting caught with 2 kids in a thunder storm , exploring the delights of NON alcoholic beer ( not bad but def not as good!) and experiencing our first extra long airport delay!!! All in all definitely an experience !
The second reason I've gone to ground is due to s bit of baby blues... I'm not very good at all at sharing how things are effecting me but the last few weeks ( probably due to sleep deprivation ) I've struggled ... Elijah s been very unsettled teething and his cold and everyone we meet feels the need to comment on how large/chubby/chunky /fat he is. He's purely been breast fed so there's not much I can do about it and as dear folk tell me I should be proud but for some reason it's really got to me. Elijah s a pretty chilled out jolly chap with a really cute personality coming through yet already at 5 months I feel he's bring judged when did the world turn in to a place where we can judge others And make them feel negative.
I know it's temporary as Dan was chunky as were myself Marc and my nephew ..maybe I need to think of a good come back the next time it's mentioned .... Answers on a postcard 👶
Sunday, 11 October 2015
Bright side
You may have heard the saying "in the right place at the right time" well my catch phrase should be "in the wrong place at the wrong time"!
Whether it's missing out on concert tickets, an item on eBay snatched before my eyes, accosted by charity chuggers or the wrong queue at the checkout that's usually me.
Today was no exception, I was desperate to see the final flight of the Vulcan plane which was due to fly over Hoo today, as well as being a great thing to see it would be great to show pictures with the air cadets as well as the boys when they are older....I had the timings and everything. On the way from church we were asked to drop off some harvest flowers in Upnor which we dutifully did and then the boys decided that we needed a pub lunch....great we can sit in the garden eat and get back . However we bumped into some friends and Daniel loved playing with his friends and new ones too. By the time we dragged him away guess what...the plane had flown over our house and we missed it..
Gutted is an understatement but a good friend popped over to see us and the missed opportunity passed.mand then the thought that the Vulcan would fly back this way occurred...fantastic a last chance, and low and behold Elijah needed feeding and changing..so again missed the plane...never to fly again!
As I put the boys to bed I was left feeling terribly sad and then it came to me what had I missed..an old plane flying over which would have been awesome but I've seen the pictures and the videos. What did I gain? A lovely afternoon with family and friends followed by the pleasure of being able to tend to the needs of my beautiful little boy....
So next time I feel things haven't gone to plan I aim to look on the bright side...there usually is one 😀
Whether it's missing out on concert tickets, an item on eBay snatched before my eyes, accosted by charity chuggers or the wrong queue at the checkout that's usually me.
Today was no exception, I was desperate to see the final flight of the Vulcan plane which was due to fly over Hoo today, as well as being a great thing to see it would be great to show pictures with the air cadets as well as the boys when they are older....I had the timings and everything. On the way from church we were asked to drop off some harvest flowers in Upnor which we dutifully did and then the boys decided that we needed a pub lunch....great we can sit in the garden eat and get back . However we bumped into some friends and Daniel loved playing with his friends and new ones too. By the time we dragged him away guess what...the plane had flown over our house and we missed it..
Gutted is an understatement but a good friend popped over to see us and the missed opportunity passed.mand then the thought that the Vulcan would fly back this way occurred...fantastic a last chance, and low and behold Elijah needed feeding and changing..so again missed the plane...never to fly again!
As I put the boys to bed I was left feeling terribly sad and then it came to me what had I missed..an old plane flying over which would have been awesome but I've seen the pictures and the videos. What did I gain? A lovely afternoon with family and friends followed by the pleasure of being able to tend to the needs of my beautiful little boy....
So next time I feel things haven't gone to plan I aim to look on the bright side...there usually is one 😀
Wednesday, 30 September 2015
Complete content
Just over a year ago I voiced the possibility of changing the toddler group at Upnor, for a while toddler numbers were dwindling as children (including my own) began to enter the world of education. As we got to that summer some mums voiced concern over missing the opportunity to meet with others during the day once the children were in school and some more mature folk voiced feelings of isolation. so I had the brain wave of opening up the group as a drop in for anyone; not to be in competition with the amazing drop in cafe in Frindsbury but to complement it, for many in Upnor transport is an issue so providing a space locally was important.
Over the past year numbers have fluctuated but these last few weeks there has been a real buzz in the air of ages mixing together from birth to a little older shall we say! Each generation looking out for the other amidst hot toast, croissants and cakes and hot drinks.
Of course the last few months I've had time to be there no time restrictions or work pressures and it's been a real joy. Today I've felt a real glow from being there this morning and it felt just how life should be and indeed church...all ages interacting together...if only that was the case !
Wednesday, 16 September 2015
A year in review !
This evening I have been filling in my annual review. Each year I receive a form from the church commissioners asking a whole host of questions about my performance , what's gone well what's not worked, what I would change and thoughts for the future .
Tonight as I fill in this form and reflect on the year just gone whilst reading what I wrote last year I have a whole host of emotions .
It has been wonderful to reflect on how things have developed in certain areas of life , my confidence in the traditional vicar stuff due to having to do more in parish since Ian left, the development of relationships on our estate , the bond I feel and hope others do in our little cafe church team but the biggest change would be in the school contacts we've made. Dan starting school has been great for him but also enabled us to meet some truly lovely families and also develop some connections with the school and church communities ...
On the flip side there have been sad times this last year saying good bye to projects that haven't developed how I would have liked (trying to develop a family experience being the main heart ache) and several people moving away changing dynamics being another.
As I finish the report with what do I want for the future I become stuck! In 11 months time I could be anywhere in the country as my funding runs out in it's current state ... The future I would love to stick around and try and develop closer links with the 2 schools I've begun work with , I'd love to continue to open up cafe church to a wider audience and I would love to develop friendships that have become vital to me.
But for now I return to maternity leave enjoying every moment loving every chance to spend time with friends old and new and to try and not worry what the future will bring x
Tonight as I fill in this form and reflect on the year just gone whilst reading what I wrote last year I have a whole host of emotions .
It has been wonderful to reflect on how things have developed in certain areas of life , my confidence in the traditional vicar stuff due to having to do more in parish since Ian left, the development of relationships on our estate , the bond I feel and hope others do in our little cafe church team but the biggest change would be in the school contacts we've made. Dan starting school has been great for him but also enabled us to meet some truly lovely families and also develop some connections with the school and church communities ...
On the flip side there have been sad times this last year saying good bye to projects that haven't developed how I would have liked (trying to develop a family experience being the main heart ache) and several people moving away changing dynamics being another.
As I finish the report with what do I want for the future I become stuck! In 11 months time I could be anywhere in the country as my funding runs out in it's current state ... The future I would love to stick around and try and develop closer links with the 2 schools I've begun work with , I'd love to continue to open up cafe church to a wider audience and I would love to develop friendships that have become vital to me.
But for now I return to maternity leave enjoying every moment loving every chance to spend time with friends old and new and to try and not worry what the future will bring x
Sunday, 23 August 2015
Family and friends
I'm not usually one to gush but tonight I feel well and truly blessed! Over the last 10 days we have had a truly blessed and special time with my little family and bestest of friends!
We haven't made it away this summer due to financial constraints and Elijah being so young but we have had a wonderful time locally and down in Deal. We've paddled in seas and lido s, visited planes and water shows eaten endless chips on th beach and returned to our childhood with Dan watching again around the world in 80 days with Willy Fog! We've had pictures from abroad want to us to share memories and had some really special times with some of Daniel s Godparents and a real treat of precious time with Grandma!!!
When out and about one grandparent said how sad she was her grandchildren didn't value things unless money was. Thrown at it we've managed to have fun on very little and Daniel has been so happy. I pray he and Elijah will grow up to feel blessed by love and not money!
The holidays are going so fast and I shall be sad when Seprmeber ends but so grateful for maternity leave and the opportunities it's presented us.
This next week sees us helping look after our niece (if she will let us!) as my sister and brother in law move down and a special day trip old skool style with the best friend ever x
We haven't made it away this summer due to financial constraints and Elijah being so young but we have had a wonderful time locally and down in Deal. We've paddled in seas and lido s, visited planes and water shows eaten endless chips on th beach and returned to our childhood with Dan watching again around the world in 80 days with Willy Fog! We've had pictures from abroad want to us to share memories and had some really special times with some of Daniel s Godparents and a real treat of precious time with Grandma!!!
When out and about one grandparent said how sad she was her grandchildren didn't value things unless money was. Thrown at it we've managed to have fun on very little and Daniel has been so happy. I pray he and Elijah will grow up to feel blessed by love and not money!
The holidays are going so fast and I shall be sad when Seprmeber ends but so grateful for maternity leave and the opportunities it's presented us.
This next week sees us helping look after our niece (if she will let us!) as my sister and brother in law move down and a special day trip old skool style with the best friend ever x
Tuesday, 11 August 2015
Divine!
what a week!
Today is the first day we have been alone as a family for over a week, it's been a week of reunion with Marc's parents visiting from India, of family direct and adopted coming together and of celebration!
Elijahs baptism really was a heaven sent occasion, which may sound dramatic but truly it moved every emotion in my body. Yes he cried at the wrong moment due to need food and other bodily functions but the whole service was just so powerful. Being with my folks as they led us in the service, worshipping in song led by Marc and supported by our niece and dear friend and getting the immense privilege of baptising Elijah myself was just WOW...and the cherry on the top Daniel behaved and participated impeccably !!!
Add that to a weekend spent with family who made the sacrifice of travelling the length of the country, friends who represent parishes we've served in Rochdale, Middlesborough, Gillingham and Rochester, new friends we've made here and through school, the air cadets who came to support us and precious moments with family and close friends today I still feel overwhelmed with blessings.
Thank you all who made this time do special by your presents and presents , by your gifts of time, catering and friendship,. The joy is only overshadowed by the realisation of those we love but don't see enough... What a weekend !
Today is the first day we have been alone as a family for over a week, it's been a week of reunion with Marc's parents visiting from India, of family direct and adopted coming together and of celebration!
Elijahs baptism really was a heaven sent occasion, which may sound dramatic but truly it moved every emotion in my body. Yes he cried at the wrong moment due to need food and other bodily functions but the whole service was just so powerful. Being with my folks as they led us in the service, worshipping in song led by Marc and supported by our niece and dear friend and getting the immense privilege of baptising Elijah myself was just WOW...and the cherry on the top Daniel behaved and participated impeccably !!!
Add that to a weekend spent with family who made the sacrifice of travelling the length of the country, friends who represent parishes we've served in Rochdale, Middlesborough, Gillingham and Rochester, new friends we've made here and through school, the air cadets who came to support us and precious moments with family and close friends today I still feel overwhelmed with blessings.
Thank you all who made this time do special by your presents and presents , by your gifts of time, catering and friendship,. The joy is only overshadowed by the realisation of those we love but don't see enough... What a weekend !
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